


You Saved Me (In every way a person can be saved)

by EagerAloofPoet



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Some college shit, some real life shit, they are soulmates okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-23 21:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7480926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EagerAloofPoet/pseuds/EagerAloofPoet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin is a young woman who has lost her sense of direction. She's not sure what she is meant to do in this life. When she unexpectedly comes across a pair of green eyes that seem just as lost as she feels, things begin to change for the both of them.</p><p>Or</p><p>The one where the two dorks don't remember meeting and Clarke maybe saves Lexa. Lexa maybe saves Clarke. And maybe they save eachother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so first off *Trigger Warnings* There is mention of the word rape and alcohol. I don't go into detail with it and everyone should be safe but anyways; This is my first time writing on here or in any public forum so ALL feedback and criticism is greatly appreciated. I have no idea how long this will be or where it will go. I really only have 1-2 chapters planned so far, but if you want me to continue let me know. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!

"Clarke are you going or not?"

 

Clarke groans at the sound of her mothers voice. She looks over at her phone and winces at the entirely too bright screen to read that it is 4:00 a.m. She isn't religious in the slightest, but she knows it's a sin to be awake this early on a Sunday. When she agreed to help volunteer over the summer at the center where her mother works, she completely forgot that wake up calls at this unholy hour would be a regular thing.

"Yeah I'm going. Just give me 5 minutes.”

"I'm already running late Clarke. You know I need my caffeine fix, so if you want breakfast we need to leave now!"

Clarke let out another groan as she rolled out of bed; rubbing her deep blue eyes that she inherited from her father so hard, that she swore they would turn a shade of red. She put her blonde hair in a messy bun, and threw on a sweatshirt and jeans. She normally would put a little more effort into how she looks, but really it's not like the residents at the Arkadia Healthcare and Rehabilitation Center would care. It's not like they have their lives together; so Clarke would totally look the part. She instantly felt a pang a guilt for thinking for a brief second that she was better than them. She blames it on her tiredness. She really was in no place to judge, seeing how she still had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. Her father, Jake Griffin left them when she was about three. She has no idea where he went or if he was even alive. He could be floating in space for all she knew, but she likes to imagine that he is out there somewhere. The only things she knows about her dad is from what her mother and her mother's friends have told her. That he was a talented artist, had a good sense of humor and apparently had a kind soul. (Obviously not too kind if he could just up and leave right?) She was the spitting image of him and she didn't know how to feel about that. Her mother, Dr. Abigail Griffin, is amazing at what she does and is loved and respected by all who know her. She is extremely hard working and Clarke sees it in her mother's eyes how demanding the job is on her, but that's her mom, always wanting to help others. Clarke inherited this gene from her. Clarke knew she didn't want to be a doctor but she loved helping people. This is the only reason she agreed to be her mother's lackey. (That and she knew the hours would look good on her transcript when she transfers to Polis U in the fall) She initially found the school intriguing because it had both a good art and medical program. Polis is a very diverse school that has many fields one could major in. So incase she didn't want to follow in one of her parents' footsteps, there were plenty of other options. It was also close to home, which was a bonus in the sense that Clarke could stay at home and avoid having to pay out of state tuition and room and board. But when it came down to it, she was just as lost as every resident of Arkadia.

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

Her mom pulled the car into the parking lot of their local Donut shop. It's the only thing that was open this early so her mom could get a coffee, and Clarke a bagel. Clarke felt a little better that the guy who was giving them their treats and change looked to be about the same age as her, maybe a little older. Another poor soul up working at this untimely hour. He was very fit and had many tattoos in addition to his kind smile. Clarke could admit he was attractive. She was not blind after all. She appreciated both the male and female anatomy, and had studied both in an unprofessional manner before. But as kind as this guys smile was, Clarke didn't think about him any further. She was not ready to entertain the thought about another relationship or even just a good time after everything that had gone down the past year…

The clock in her mom's blue kia informed her that it was currently 4:29 a.m. Arkadia was about a forty minute drive from where they lived and Dr. Griffin was scheduled to work in thirty. Her mother sped up the car to 50 in a 40 mph zone but the streets were deserted, so she didn't think much of it. Clarke watched as trees, houses, and a few street lights began to blur past her. She continued to mindlessly stare out her window when she saw what appeared to be a girl sitting on the grass by the street curb; bent over with her head in her hands shaking. As quickly as she spotted the girl, she was now gone from her vision as her mother continued to drive; only slowing to a stop when they hit a red light at the intersection before the freeway.

"Mom. Turn around. I swear I saw a girl back there, and she looked like she was crying or needed help. She was sitting down and shaking mom, we have to go back."

"Clarke it's pitch black outside. How on earth could you tell all that from a glimpse?"

"Mom, just trust me. Please turn around.”

Her mom began making a U-turn and driving back up the way they came. A million thoughts began to race through Clarke's mind. _Why was she crying? Why was she out at this time of day? Why was she alone?_ The car pulled up along the curb passenger side so Clarke was closest to the girl. Clarke didn’t want to get out of the car and scare her off, so she rolled down the window and stuck her head out slowly.

“Hey are you okay?”

The girl looked up. Clarke could see the startle in what appeared to be green eyes. It was hard to tell. They were clearly glassy from either alcohol or crying; no doubt a combination of the two. It was still pitch black outside, so Clarke could only make out her appearance from the little light that the right headlight of the car was giving. She had brown curly hair messily flowing past her shoulders. She appeared to be wearing a white V neck shirt and some shorts that were a little torn. She was sitting up at a 90 degree angle now.

“…Yes…I’m fine…”

Clarke instantly knew it was lie. The girl did try to display some confidence when she spoke. She gave her credit for trying. But the light break in her voice and the unshed tears starting to form made Clarke see through her act.

“Are you sure? Do you need us to call somebody for you? Can we give you a ride somewhere?”

The girl held one of her arms across and close to her stomach. With the other, she proceeded to pick up a white iPhone that was laying in the grass beside her, and held it up so the home screen was facing Clarke.

“No. I have a phone. See? I’m fine.”

“Please. You can tell me anything. I swear.” _Why did I say that?_ Clarke thought. _It's not like she is going to tell a random stranger all her problems. I know I wouldn't.  
_

“I’m okay. Thank you. But I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

She gave a slow nod and a more believable

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?” _God I sound like an idiot._

“Yes.”

“Okay then…”

Clarke rolled up her window and her mother slowly drove down the street close to the curb, and came to a stop about a block away from where they had left the girl.

“So what do you want to do Clarke? Do you want me to call the police?"

 _I don’t know mom._ Clarke thought to herself. _You’re the shrink. You are supposed to know what is going on in people’s heads._ Clarke was at a complete loss of what to do. She saw a tear in the girl’s shorts and her mind instantly went to the dark place of rape. If she was raped, she knew that the police would make her re-hash the horrible situation. Most of the people never believe the victim and she didn’t want the girl to go through that. But at the same time, if she was raped then the bastard deserved to be caught and thrown in jail. But if she just had too much of a good time over the weekend and got herself hammered, then she didn’t want to be a narc and get her in trouble. _But she was alone. What kind of friends would just leave her like that?_ Clarke was driving herself mad.

“I just want to do the right thing mom. Do you think calling the Police would help?”

“It certainly wouldn’t do any harm Clarke. The girl clearly needs help in some way.”

Clarke nodded, “You’re right. Call them”

Her mother didn’t call 911, but the local police department. It was a number she knew by heart, and she knew that they would get there and respond faster. While her mother was explaining the situation over the phone, she suddenly turned to Clarke.

“They want to know a guesstimate of her age. How old do you think she is?”

 _God._ Clarke thought. She only looked to be about sixteen or seventeen. Clarke herself was only twenty but the girl seemed so much younger and fragile in comparison.

“I don’t know…16…17?”

Her mother relayed the information over the phone.

“They said they are sending someone out to look for her right now.”

Clarke hunched her shoulders and slouched further down in her seat. The somber expression didn’t go unnoticed by her mother.

“She will be fine Clarke. You did the right thing.”

_Then why doesn’t it feel like it?_

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

It was noon, and Clarke had not gone a minute without thinking about the girl all day. She knew she did a good deed, but was wrapped with this strange overwhelming guilt and panic that had not ceased since abandoning the girl. Clarke noticed her mom walking down the hallway with files in hand.

“Mom. Can we please call back the police station to make sure they found the girl?”

“Clarke.” her mother sighed. “I’m sure they found her and that she is all right. I’m very busy. I don’t have time to call right now. Besides, they wouldn’t tell me any information anyway, these matters are confidential. If you want to call so badly, then feel free to do so.”

Clarke could feel her cheeks tint red in anger. “Mom you know that I get anxiety over talking on the phone! You know why I can’t do that!”

She saw her mom flinch and gave her an apologetic glance.

"…Please just call her…I need to know that she is safe.” _Why is this need so strong?_

Her mom let out another heavy sigh.

“All right.”

Clarke eagerly watched as her mom dialed the number and tried to listen in on the conversation. Her mother was just nodding and mainly giving one word mumbles in response, so Clarke was getting nothing out of the conversation, but was hanging on by every word.

“They said they found her. She is okay and they got her a cab home-"

“THAT’S IT? THEY JUST FOUND HER A RIDE HOME? I COULD HAVE DONE THAT!”

“Clarke. Honey please, that is all the information they gave me. If they didn’t escort her home or somewhere else, that means she is over eighteen, and obviously just had too much to drink. You don’t need to worry about this anymore Clarke. It’s handled.”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to breathe out a sigh. She was shocked to learn that the girl was over eighteen. _She seemed so young_. Obviously the broken state she had found her in had masked her age. _That would mean she is around my age. She couldn’t be any older could she?_ Not that it mattered. Clarke was just relieved she was safe. _Why do I care so much?_ Clarke started to bury her head back in her work but there was a thought that she could not shake from her mind.

 

_Will I ever see her again?_

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are Lexa's thoughts and flashbacks. All feedback and critiques would be greatly appreciated :)

-16 months later-

 

"Lexa are you going or not?"

"Anya I told you a hundred times already, I'm not going."

"Lexa it's our junior homecoming! You have to go!"

"A-It's YOUR junior homecoming...I'm still technically a sophomore. B-I don't feel like being the third wheel. And C-I would rather be shot in the stomach then be surrounded by a bunch of drunk girls and roudy frat boys."

"Okay 1-It's college Lexa; there's literally people in their 40s here with kids; no one is judging you for taking a year off that you clearly needed. 2-You wouldn't be a third wheel. Lincoln and I don't have dates either, hell half of the people going are probably 'third-wheeling' and just looking to get laid. 3-Again it's college. That's what it is. Live a little Lexa."

Lexa furrowed her brow and went back to bury her face in the Astronomy text book she had been studying previously. Truthfully, she knew Anya had a point. No one gives a shit what year you're in, but it always made her feel weak that she was behind her friends in school. If anything, she should already have her BA; considering she was the top student in all her high school classes. She always took the AP courses and extra classes that she didn't even need, just to make sure that she had a jump start when she went to university. This led her to miss out on most of the high school dances and parties; despite Costia's protests. _Costia_. Her chest immediately tightened at the thought of the dark skinned, curly haired girl that she loved so dearly. _Loves_. Costia, the girl with the sweetest smile. Costia, the girl she was supposed to see the stars with. Costia, the girl who was taken from her far too soon. If Lexa was isolated from the world before, losing Costia dragged her into the darkest and loneliest of trenches. If it wasn't for Anya and Lincoln, she knew she wouldn't be here. She knew it would benefit her to get out of the apartment once in a while, but it took so much for her just to consider going back to school, let alone actually socializing with others. Lexa was far from healed completely, but she knew she owed them.

Anya must have taken notice to Lexa getting lost in her thoughts, because she came over and gently placed a hand on her shoulder right when Lincoln popped in.

"Hey are you guys ready to go?"

"I am. Lexa here still needs a little convincing."

"I don't even have anything to wear."

"I could lend you one of my old tuxedos if you wanted Lex."

That brought a half smile to Lexa's face and a complete snort from Anya.

"Please! We all know Lexa has muscles but there's no way she could fit in your clothes Linc; you're jacked! I don't know how you manage to stay ripped being surrounded by fried dough and delicious pastries all day. It's a sin!"

"I workout. You should try it some time."

Anya scoffed, "You trying to start something there buddy? Well pull out the mud wrestling pit and BRING. IT. ON."

Lincoln smirked, "We will settle this on the dance floor. Speaking of, are we still going?"

They both turned to Lexa. She could see the sympathetic look on their faces and how they were trying but failing to mask their eagerness. She knew they would stay with her and have a movie night if she asked. She loved them for it. But she had already held out on them for over a year.

With a sigh she closed her textbook, took off her glasses and stood up.

"Let's get this over with."

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

  
She chose to go with a dark green button-down collared shirt that she had tucked into black slacks. She borrowed black suspenders and a black bow tie from Lincoln. Her brown wavy curls were woven into intricate braids. _I_   _don't know why Anya wouldn't let me wear my glasses_  she thought. She hated contacts but Anya insisted that she put on some dark mascara and eye shadow around her eyes. _Costia always loved when I wore mascara._ She said it brought out the color of her green irises. Lexa always messed up the eye shadow though. She would put too much on and Costia would tease her and say she looked like a raccoon. Anya said it made her look like some warrior ready for battle, so she was intent on having her look 'fierce' as she put it, for the dance.

Lexa was mainly being a wallflower. She only came out to dance once when they started playing "PYT". The look on Lincoln and Anya's faces when she started swaying her body to the king of pops rhythm made leaving the comfort of her bed worth it.

The music was cut to reveal the homecoming queen and king. The honour went to Roan Azgeda, Polis' star football player, and Nia Snow, the universities most popular student for whatever reason. _Typical_  she thought.  _Hetero-normativity at its finest. You would think as diverse as campus is, we could obtain a little orginality and not give in to the biggest cliché._ Lexa could tell as Nia walked up to receive her flowers, crown, and sash claiming her new title, that she was more than a little tispy. If it wasn't for Roan holding her up, she probably would have fallen off the stage.

The music turned back on, and Lexa watched as Lincoln and Anya had their dance battle. _God I love these dorks._ It had already been 2 hours since they arrived and she was getting sick of drinking the punch. She was tempted to get something with a little more kick to it, but quickly shut that thought down. _No. I'm not going down that road again._ Quickly becoming annoyed with being surrounded by all the drunks, she decided to step outside to get some air.

There weren't that many people outside. Just a bunch of parked cars, the facilities to use the restroom, and empty beer bottles and red solo cups littered everywhere. Lexa walked over to where Lincoln's car was parked. She leaned up against the hood and then looked up to the night sky.

  
_"What do you think is up there Lexa?"_

_"What do you mean? We know what's up there. Our moon, some planets, the space station, a bunch of hot balls of gas, and a lot of empty matter."_

_"How could you even say it like that? The universe is so infinite! There is so much to discover! So much to learn! We haven't even explored a fraction of space. The possibilities are endless!"_

_Lexa smiled and turned over on her side to face the girl she loved. Watching her watch the sky. Lexa didn't understand what was so fascinating about it all, but hearing Costia talk about her passion was so captivating. Costia was always trying to reach for the stars. Both in a figurative and literal sense._

_"Would you really want to leave me for a bunch of space mush? You'd be surrounded in darkness."_

_Costia then rolled over off her back to now face Lexa. She smiled that supernova smile of hers._

_"If you came with me, you'd be all the light I need."_

_Lexa now felt like she was the one losing oxygen. They'd been together for years, but Costia still managed to take her breath away. She leaned in to crash land a kiss on those perfect crescent shaped lips._

Lexa was pulled away from her memories at the sounds of shouting. She removed herself from the hood of the car to walk over to the sound where the voices were coming from. She saw a blonde haired woman in a sparkling blue dress trying to remove her arm from the firm grasp of a taller man with greasy black hair.

"Finn I said no! Leave me alone!"

"The dance is lame! You know we would have more fun back at my place! C'mon!"

"LET. ME. GO."

Lexa felt her jaw clench and her hands balling into tight fists as she stormed over to the man that she would soon be giving a rememberable lesson to on manners and respect. As she was making her way over to the pair, she stopped when she saw the blonde kick the man in the gut. He reached out to grab her arm again as she was pulling away, causing the strap of her dress on the left shoulder to tear. She ran into the bathroom and he looked like he was about to follow her in before Lexa then ran to intercept him before he could make his way inside.

"Don't even think about going in there."

"Who the hell are you? This is none of your business!"

"You somehow managed to make it this far in your education, so I know you understand the definition of the word no. You need to leave. **Now**."

She could tell he looked slightly frightened _good_  but he made another step closer as did she, and right before she was about to raise her fist, none other than Roan Azgeda showed up.

"Hey Finn! You haven't seen Nia around have you?"

Finn turned his back on Lexa like no conversation had just taken place two seconds ago.

"No, why? She left you high and dry again?"

"Yeah. She just got super drunk and took off. She said she wasn't feeling well and I wanted to make sure she was okay." _So chivalry isn't dead._

"Sorry. I haven't seen her since becoming queen."

At this point, Roan noticed a seething Lexa over Finn's shoulder.

"I see that you seem to be having some girl trouble as well."

Finn turned around to look at her with a dumbfounded expression on his face. As if he hadn't expected her to still be there.

"What?! No. I don't know her. Princess was just giving me a hard time again. I'm probably gonna have to break up with her. She has been extra bitchy lately."

Lexa scoffs at that, sending daggers his way as he turns back to glare at her before Roan interrupts again.

"Hey man, some of the guys are having a kegger. You should come and that way you can cool off." _Yes because that's exactly what he needs; more alcohol in his system._ While the two men _children_ started conversing, Lexa chose this time to slip into the bathroom. All the stalls seemed to be empty except two. She was about to knock on the first stall that was closed, when a stumbling Nia emerged reaking of alcohol and puke. Her sash was lopsided, her hair was disheveled, and her crown was missing. _The embodiment of regalness._

"What are you staring at?"

"Nothing your majesty."

"Oh you're a funny one aren't you? I'm sure your humour is what has all the boys throwing themselves at you, because it clearly isn't this Urkel ensemble you have going on. You're just missing the glasses to top this number off."

"Girls."

"What?"

"Girls. I'm fucking gay. It's a thing."

Nia looked like she was about to throw up all over again. "Well it shouldn't be."

For the second time today, and not even 10 minutes apart, Lexa was trying to restrain herself from going ape shit. Before Lexa could reply verbally or physically, the other stall opened and the blonde girl from before revealed herself. She was still holding the strap that had been torn from the fight to keep her breast covered. Her eyes were puffy and red, for clearly she had been crying, but Lexa could still make out the blue irises that she possessed. Her golden locks framed a perfectly round face. _Now that's royalty._

Nia looked stunned to see the blonde.

"Griffin? How long have you been in here?"

"Long enough. Your violent puking managed to drown out the sound of my crying."

Her husky voice was just as beautiful as the rest of her. She could tell it was a little strained from the yelling and crying, but was still beautiful none the less. And vaguely familiar.  _Why?_

"How can you possibly be on the human rights committee after the digusting shit I just heard you say?"

"I needed the votes. We unfortunately have a lot of her kind that attend Polis, and I obviously couldn't become Queen without having the gays on my side."

Now it was Lexa trying to restrain the blonde _Griffin?_  from trying to claw Nia's eyes out. She wasn't going to have this girl involved in another fight under her watch.

"KIND? Jesus Nia why do you even hang around Roan and his friends, or even come near me and my circle of friends if this is how you really feel? You know most of us are LGBTQ+"

"Roan was part of the plan as well. I had to have someone good looking on my arm after all. And your boyfriend is on the football team too, we have common ground princess."

That's the second time she's heard that term thrown at the blonde, and both weren't out of endearment. She swore she could feel heat radiating from the blonde.

"We are NOTHING alike."

Lexa chose to intervine before things escalated again.

"Speaking of your king. He was looking for you earlier. Why is beyond me, but you shouldn't keep your subjects waiting."

Nia had a gross smirk on her face.

"Right. may we meet again." _God I hope not._

She watched Nia leave and she hadn't even notice she still protectively had her arm around the blonde girl's shoulder until she turned and spoke.

"Are you okay?" _Why on earth is she asking me that? Why does this sound familiar?_

Lexa felt her cheeks tinge pink and quickly removed her arm.

"Me? I came to make sure that you were okay...Are you? Okay I mean...he didn't hurt you did he?"

"Other than my pride and my dress, no. I suppose I'm done dancing for the night though. Can't uphold my princess status looking like a complete mess."

Lexa noticed that she too called herself princess like it was an insult. She was about to reassure her that she looked the furthest thing from a mess, when Nia's sparkling crown caught her eye. She bent down to pick it up, and without thinking placed it on top of the blonde's head.

"Now you are a Queen. I assure you that your pride is still intact Queen Griffin."

"Clarke."

"I'm sorry?"

"My name is Clarke. Clarke Griffin." _Clarke._

Lexa was smiling now, actually smiling. She extended her arm out and Clarke took it with a mutual wide smile.

"Clarke. It's nice to meet you."

 


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter flowed out so easily but don't get used to fast updates like this because I assure you it was a fluke. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated :) Hope you guys are enjoying it.

Clarke could see nothing but green. She was getting lost in the kind stranger's _familiar?_ eyes. She didn't realize when extending her arm out to meet the stranger's hand, that she had let go of her strap, fully exposing her left breast. She was about to ask for the girls name before she saw her quickly look up to talk to the ceiling.

"...Erm...I'm pretty sure I might have a spare jacket or blazer in the trunk of my friend's car...if you want it that is. That way it would cover the tear in your um...dress."

Clarke now realized why the stranger was adamantly avoiding her gaze. She quickly pulled the strap back up and felt her cheeks turn the shade of strawberry red.

"That would be great thank you." _Way to make a first impression Griffin._

"Wait here. I want to make sure that guy is gone before we walk out." _First she crowns me queen and now she is acting like my knight in shining armour._

"I bet he's gone. I wasn't exactly giving him what he wanted, so I'm sure he went to go find someone that would."

She saw the stranger look at her questionably, and even though she had pulled the strap back to cover herself, she suddenly felt more exposed than ever.

"You deserve better than him. He has no right to treat you like property or ever lay his hands on you without your consent." _Why is she more mad about this than I am?_

"He's not a bad guy. He just gets more aggressive when he drinks. He's actually never done anything like that before."

"That's no excuse."

"I know. I could feel us drifting apart for a while now. He always seemed more interested in other girls when we would go out. I suppose I was just looking for an excuse to end things with him, and I guess I got my wish."

There was that analyzing stare from her again. She had her head tilted slightly to the side, like she wasn't believing what she was telling her. _Why? It's the truth? Finn may not be the most loyal guy but I'm not the best girlfriend either. This was bound to happen._ She decided to speak up when she realized she was not going to receive a rebuttle from the girl.

"So...about that jacket."

"Oh yeah. Follow me."

As she walked outside to follow the girl to her car, she was able to really take in the rest of the stranger. She walked very poised. Like she was caring books on top of her head while walking on a tightrope. She looked quite dashing in her outfit _Fuck Nia_ and her shirt and make-up really brought out the forest in those green eyes.

When they reached the car, the stranger fished out a black blazer from the trunk and handed it to her.

"And who do I have to thank for this?"

"Well it's an old one of my friend Lincoln's and-"

"I meant you. You never told me your name."

She saw a flash of embarrassment cross the girl's usually stoic facade. _She's adorable._

"It's Lexa." _Lexa._

"Just Lexa?"

"Trikru."

She could feel herself smiling again.

"I like it. It's much better than Clarke anyway."

"You have a great name Klark."

She's never heard her name uttered like that before and it sent a cool chill down her spine. _It was probably just the gust of wind that came through right? Yeah, let's go with that._

"Thank you. For the jacket and well, everything else."

"Did you come with anyone else besides your boyf- I mean do you have a way to get home? I really don't feel comfortable leaving you alone. I can pull my friends from the dance and we can give you a ride to wherever."

"Thanks, but that won't be necessary. I came with my friends Raven and Octavia. They'll probably be a little pissed that I'm dragging them from the party early, but they'll understand."

Lexa gave her a small nod and they stood in silence for a few moments before Lexa moved to walk away.

"Hey listen, about Nia...it may not look like it from what you have seen so far, but I generally don't surround myself with complete assholes. I just don't want you to think my friends are judgmental...and don't listen to what Nia says...and... _jesus ramble much?_ ...are you okay?

"I'm fine."

The cold tone and sudden rigid posture didn't go unnoticed by Clarke. There was something about the way she said it though. _What am I missing here?_

Lexa must have realized that she sounded harsh, because she then went back to using that soft melodic voice. _Chill Griff._

"Why don't I walk you back inside to the dance, to make sure that you find your friends."

"Okay."

 

 ╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

Upon entering back to the dance floor, Clarke noticed her friend Octavia grinding on a muscular man with a mohawk and tattoos. _Wait isn't that the guy from the donut shop?_  
Clarke knew it was him. She only went there every morning for breakfast in the summer while helping her mom. She was about to call out to her when Lexa all of a sudden waved her hand.

"Hey Lincoln over here."

_Lincoln? Lexa knows the doughnut man? Does Lexa eat doughnuts? She looks way too fit to be a regular there._

"Hey Lex what's up?"

"Nothing. I hope you don't mind but I lended your old jacket to-"

"Clarke!"

Octavia was now shimmying her way over to the group.

"Where have you been princess? You missed all the good songs! They even played your favorite!"

"I got into a fight with Finn. Like a real one. Do you know where Raven is, because I would like to leave?"

"Holy shit Clarke! What a douche! Yeah no problem, we can bounce. I think Raven was off arguing with some chick about the aerodynamics of beer pong and why she will never be defeated." _Figures._

"She clearly hasn't met my friend Anya. I've never seen her lose."

Clarke was surprised that Lexa spoke up.

"Oh! I'm sorry, O this is Lexa, she kind of saved me from the whole Finn debacle."

"Thanks for helping out my friend. I don't know what she would have done without you. I totally would have kicked Finn's ass had I been there though."

"Clarke is quite capable of handling herself. She took care of him before I could really do anything."

Clarke couldn't help a mild blush reach her ears. Lexa was defending and praising her again. _Calm your tits Griffin before they fly out of your dress again and give everyone a damn show!_

"It must be all the energy from the amazing brew of coffee I make."

Lincoln shot that kind smile Clarke's way before Lexa and Octavia both exclaimed in unison,

"You two know eachother?!"

"She is one of my regulars. Everything bagel and a black coffee right Clarke?"

Lexa was now looking at Clarke with a smirk that was doing weird things to her stomach.

"I didn't take you as a bagel person."

Octavia then chimed in.

"Oh Clarke **loves** bagels and long johns! She doesn't discriminate." _I'm gonna kill her._

Although the euphamism was meant to embarrass her; it was Lexa who blushed and started to become interested in the floor tiles.

A new song started to play when Clarke noticed a woman with dirty blonde hair and killer cheekbones hightailing it towards their direction.

"Lincoln get the car! Let's go. I'm so done with this lame ass party!"

"Woah Anya, what's wrong?"

"Some bitch cheated at beer pong and took twenty bucks from me!"

Lexa was looking at this ball of rage like she sprouted horns and a tail.

"Wait. You lost?"

"She cheated! And I didn't lose! I just...didn't win."

"That's called losing cheeks." Her friend Raven suddenly called out.

She was stumbling her way over to join the group. It wasn't from the alcohol but from the brace that supported her left leg. She could feel the wave of guilt that was always lingering starting to resurface again. _I'm sorry Raven._

Clarke didn't think the one they called Anya could get any angrier but she was quickly proving her wrong.

"We need to leave before I cut a bitch and ruin that pretty face of yours!"

"Oh so you think I'm pretty? I mean I don't blame you, what's not to love? The brace really brings out the sparkle in my eyes dontcha think?"

Anya's face was absolutely red now, and Clarke couldn't tell if she was blushing, or just even more angry. _Probably both._

Lincoln then interjected. "I think there's been enough fighting for today."

"Whose been fighting?" Raven asked.

"Me. With Finn. I think we should call it a night."

Clarke didn't even need to eloborate further; she knew Raven got it.

"That sounds good to me, I'm sick of taking everybody's money here anyway." _I have the greatest friends._

Octavia leaned up to plant a chaste kiss to the corner of Lincoln's mouth.

"Call me."

Anya angrily brushed passed Raven.

"Don't call me."

Now it was just her and Lexa, and blue met green again. Clarke hesitantly walked over to Lexa, gently grabbed her hand, and turned her palm face up. She began writing her phone number on Lexa's hand with a pen that she swiped from Raven's back pocket before she had made her way outside. All while green orbs were intently gazing down at her.

"So maybe I can take you out for coffee or something as a thank you? I know a guy who makes a mean cup o' joe." _Smooth Griffin._

There was a lenghty pause, and Clarke looked up to see Lexa's mouth slightly parted with a completely confused expression on her face. _Fuck! What was I thinking? It's bad enough you kept her away from the dance for so long. She doesn't want to deal with your problems anymore. She prob-_

"I would like that very much." _Oh shit!_

"Great. So just text me anytime and we can meet up yeah?"

Clarke completely forgot that she was still wearing Nia's crown until Lexa gave a slight bow.

"It would be an honour."

_Oh but really, the honour is all mine._

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you're liking it. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated :)

"So let me get this straight. Not only did you get into a fight with Nia fucking Snow, but then you go and rescue some damsel in distress from her shitty ass boyfriend, and then to top it all off, the girl is so enchanted by your charming gay ass that she gives you her number in what has probably been your first social outing in almost two years!? You see Lexa, this is EXACTLY why you need to get out more."

Lexa was pinching the bridge of her nose. Of course Anya wouldn't let her sleep in on the weekend; she demanded to know all the details of last night. This was exactly why she didn't want to tell her. She didn't want the expectation to all of a sudden become a social butterfly, now that she had actually gone out. Other than going to her classes and her job at the martial arts studio that she shared with Anya, she really was content on not leaving her bed and her books. But she did have to admit that last night wasn't all that bad, Clarke had played a good part in that. _Clarke. She was so beautiful. Her sparkling blue dress made her look like a constellation that belonged in the night sky. But her eyes, her eyes lit up like the blue sky on a sunny day. How did she manage to look like both the day and the night simultaneously? The sun and the stars? How did she do that?_ She was so lost in her day dreaming about the blonde, that she had completely tuned out Anya and was not aware that she was still talking.

"...so are you going to call her?"

"What?"

"Blondie. Ya know, the one that was wearing a crown like a princess. The one that gave you her number to remind you that you're a living human being?"

"I don't know..."

"What? Were you not into her?"

_God that was not it at all_

"I just...I really need to focus on my studies. Taking a year off was not wise and I have a duty to complete."

"Duty? Lexa you can get your degree at anytime. You like your job, there is no rush. Space isn't going anywhere."

"I promised Costia..."

Anya then came to sit down next to Lexa.

"Look Lexa...you know I adored Costia, but she would want you to move on. Space was always her dream but you deserve to have your own. You weren't put on this Earth to lead someone else's life."

"I promised that I would travel to space with Costia and that is exactly what I'm going to do."

"Costia isn't here anymore, she-"

"I KNOW THAT! YOU DON'T THINK I REALIZE THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO HOLD HER AGAIN? THAT I WILL NEVER HEAR HER LAUGH AGAIN? I BLEW OFF SO MANY DATES WITH COSTIA FOR STUDYING. I KNOW I SCREWED UP. BUT NOW I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE ALL THAT TIME HAS NOT GONE TO WASTE. I'M GOING TO MAKE IT UP TO HER. THE DEAD ARE GONE. I GET IT. YOU DON'T NEED TO REMIND ME! I'M JUST DOING WHAT I CAN TO SURVIVE WITHOUT HER!"

Anya got up from her bed and began making her way to the door. The look in her eyes pained Lexa.

"Anya wait!"

"I have a class I have to teach at 10. I should get going."

"Anya...I'm sorry...I-"

"It's alright. I just want you to be happy Lexa...I still think you should call her though. Last night was the first time I've seen you smile in a while. Your life should be about more than just surviving. Just think about it."

And with that she left. _Why do I push away everyone who cares about me?_

Lexa could feel one of her eyes starting to brim with water, and when she reached up to wipe away her tear she noticed the smudged phone number that was still messily engraved in her palm.

_Maybe life **should** be about more than just surviving._

She hesitantly and with shakey hands began dialing the number. She heard endless ringing until a click, and then a robotic woman's voice.

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed has not setup a voicemail box."

_What? Do I have the wrong number? Maybe I read it wrong._

She tried calling again. This time dialing the numbers painfully slow to make sure they were accurate. She heard ringing for what felt like 20 minutes, and then received the same message again. _Perfect._

Maybe this was one falling star she shouldn't cast a wish on.

 

 ╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

It had been 3 days since Lexa had first tried calling Clarke. She called sporadically over the past few days not trying to seem desperate, but then eventually decided to give up. Clarke had clearly given her a fake number or something, and was just trying to be nice. _But there were a few times where I swore she looked at me like she knew me, or like she wanted to get to know me._

Obviously this was just wishful thinking on her part.

She had just finished teaching a children's class on basic defense. Lexa wasn't sure whether or not she wanted kids, but she loved seeing them grow, and she loved how happy they would get when they correctly did a move. Anya was of course using this break between sessions to rag on her.

"Don't be ridiculous Lexa, why would she give you a fake number? Does anybody still do that anymore? She probably is just lazy and didn't set up her voicemail. It happens all the time. Have you tried texting her?"

"Look, she clearly doesn't want to follow up on her offer. She's not interested. It's fine. And I'm not about to make myself look more pathetic than I already have over the past few days. Just drop it."

"Whatever. Hey I have to use the restroom and my new private client is supposed to show up at any minute. She said she was bringing a friend. If they show up, tell them I'll be right back and cover for me real fast."

"Will do."

Just as Anya had left, a set of two familiar faces walked through the door. Octavia, the one Lincoln refused to shut up about since the dance, and following behind her was the one who destroyed Anya's pride at beer pong. _Robin? It was some kind of bird right?_

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the commander?"

"Excuse me?"

"Don't play dumb, Clarke told me all about how you stood up to that bitch Nia and helped with Finn. And now I find you own a martial arts studio? Pretty badass commander."

Lexa must have had a stupid expression on her face because then she stuck out her hand.

"It's Raven. In case you forgot."

She did, but she was trying not to make it seem obvious and had clearly failed. Octavia on the other hand was staring at her like she wanted to rip out her intestines and use her blood for a cruel science experiment. _What the hell?_

"I did actually, sorry. I don't have the best memory."

Octavia scoffed, "Clearly."

"I'm sorry have I done something to offend you?"

"You've got some nerve throwing heart-eyes at my friend all night and then completely ignoring her and blowing her off!"

Now Lexa was really confused and ticked off.

"Me ignoring her? I called her like 10 times and she never answered! If anyone should be pissed here, it should be me!"

"You called her?"

"Yes."

"Why would you call her?"

"That is generally the procedure when someone gives you their phone number is it not?"

Octavia's anger instantly washed away and she looked deflated.

"You can't call Clarke."

"Why?"

It was Raven who answered this time.

"Because she won't answer." _Why did she sound so broken?_

The air in the room had quickly turned melancholic. They were all awkwardly standing until Octavia broke the silence.

"You should text her. She would want to talk to you."

"I think we just clearly established that that is not the case."

"Just trust me." _I don't even know you?_

Before Lexa could reply they heard a loud bang as Anya dropped the water bottles and towels she had been carrying on the floor.

"Nope! No. No. No. No. **NO**. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE?"

"Cheeks! Did you decide to take lessons from the commander as well, so you could defend yourself from further beer pong beatings?"

Anya was fuming and Lexa stepped in front of her before she could lunge at the girl.

"Actually, Anya is the one who owns the gym. She mainly works with private clients. So she would be the one giving you lessons."

"No chance in hell!"

"Oh c'mon cheeks my money is good! You at least know I've got twenty to spare." Raven replied with a wink. _This girl has a death wish._

Anya seemed to be reeling back her anger now. _Wait is she blushing?_

"What are you two even doing here anyway?"

"Well after we heard what happened to Clarke, we decided it couldn't hurt to get some professional training and brush up on the basics. Just incase a similar situation like that happened again. Octavia insisted she didn't need it, but I think she wants to look more fit for her man."

"Shut up!"

Lexa was amused at the two. Their relationship reminded her of how she and Anya fight. She also liked how supportive they were of Clarke. _Clarke. Should I really try texting her?_

She instinctively pulled out her phone and began staring at the empty screen.

_Life should be about more than just surviving...don't we deserve better than that?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Try to figure out who the bigger dork is. Also Finn is a major douche. I regret nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning.* There is a use of a homphobic slur.  
> All feedback is greatly appreciated :)

It had been 3 days and she still hadn't received a text from Lexa. Clarke didn't get it. Raven said she would probably try to call and Clarke knew that was a chance, but she specifically said to text her, and she thought she would have by now. _Maybe she doesn't really want to see me? But she said she did. She doesn't seem like the type of girl who doesn't mean what she says._

Just as Clarke was starting to psyche herself up to move on, she felt her phone vibrate.

**Unknown Number:**

Hey its Lexa. Trikru. From the dance. I hope this is your number and I was wondering If I could take you up on your offer for coffee? If not that's totally cool I understand.

Clarke couldn't help herself from breaking out into a wide grin. _This dork._

**Princess Griff:**

Of course! I was wondering if I was going to hear from you.

**Unknown Number:**

I actually called you...a couple of times...I thought I had the wrong number until I ran into Raven and Octavia and they said I should try texting you.

 _Shit._ She knew she was never going to hear the end it from Raven now. But she was more concerned about what the duo had said to Lexa. She knew they wouldn't tell Lexa any details, but now she was wondering if the only reason Lexa had made contact with her was because of threats from her friends. She didn't want this to be pity date. _Date? This is not a date. She helped you out. This is just a thank you. Get a hold of yourself Griffin. You are an adult._

**Princess Griff:**

I really hope my friends didn't force you to text me. I don't want to make you drink coffee against your own free will lol

**Unknown Number:**

Well no one refuses a request from a Queen ;)

_A winky face is good right? She doesn't despise you. This is playful banter you can work with._

**Princess Griff:**

Actually most people have me in their phone as Princess Griff. What name should I bestow upon my humble knight? ;)

 **Unknown Number** :

Noted. I'm changing the contact name as we speak. What is with that nickname btw? And just Lexa is fine.

**Princess Griff:**

Ah ah ah I can't go giving away all my stories now otherwise we will have nothing to talk about over coffee and you will become bored with me. And c'mon you had to have had a nickname or something when you were little. Something your parents or friends called you.

**Unknown Number:**

Well actually, I was an orphan and grew up in foster care, so I didn't have any parents to give me a nickname. I was born Alexandria, so Lexa is already short for that.

_Shit. God damnit Griffin you are really fucking this up. Why did you have to push and pry? Fuck there is no way she would want to see you now-_

**Unknown Number:**

And being bored with you is the least of my worries Clarke. We didn't exactly have a dull meeting ;)

_How on earth does she go from sounding so precise and matter-of-fact to becoming a playful dork in a matter of seconds?_

Clarke remembered how Raven had dubbed Lexa a commander after she had rehashed how they had met. Octavia said it wasn't fitting because she had "heart-eyes" on Clarke all night. That didn't make any sense though because that would mean Lexa would have to be slightly into her right? She did have amazing eyes though.

**Princess Griff:**

Touché. And I think I just came up with the perfect nickname for you.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

What is it?

**Princess Griff:**

Nope. I'm not telling until I see you. Call it bribery if you will ;)

**Commander Hearteyes:**

When do you want to meet up?

**Princess Griff:**

Now?

_God I hope that doesn't sound as desperate as it is._

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Isn't it a little late for donuts? Besides I don't think Lincoln will be there. He had the early shift today. So you won't be able to get his batch of coffee.

_Does she really think that I only want to see her for the coffee?_

**Princess Griff:  
**

A-it is never too late for donuts. B-as good as Lincoln's coffee is, I wouldn't be going for him. And C-the café part of the shop is still open.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

LOL

**Princess Griff:**

What?

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Nothing. It's just I'm normally the one who lists off things with the Alphabet and Anya hates it. She says it drives her crazy lol

**Princess Griff:**

Haha well I guess great minds think alike ;) And Anya seems to have a short fuse.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

You have no idea. Your friend Raven didn't help with that either. Especially when she showed up at our gym. And she just gave me grief cuz I told her I wanted to get off 5 minutes early so we could meet up haha

**Princess Griff:**

Wait you own a gym? You and Anya are going to be the ones training O and Raven? And it doesn't have to be now if you're busy it's totally fine.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Haha I'm not answering anything until I see you, call it bribery if you will ;) and it's okay. I can come in 20 minutes how does that sound?

**Princess Griff:**

Not bad, but I've been able to make people come faster ;)

_WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? It is way too early in a ~~relationship~~ friendship for these kinds of jokes! _

She could see the three dots disappearing and reappearing over and over. _Dear_ _god take me now._

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Good to know lol. I will SEE you there in twenty okay?

_She's not repulsed by you. This is good._

**Princess Griff:**

Can't wait :)

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Apparently not ;)

Clarke let out a chuckle and the heaviest sighs of relief. _This girl will be the death of me._

She was so excited that she didn't even bother changing out of her tank top and jean shorts. She quickly brushed her hair, grabbed her keys and raced to her front door. When she opened it though she was greeted by the last person she wanted to see.

"Finn?"

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"...I'm so sorry Clarke. Please I never meant to hurt you. I would never hurt you, you know that princess."

 _Ugh_ _w_ _hy now? I really don't have time for this._

"Don't call me that! You don't have the right. I ended things with you Finn. It's over. You did hurt me, and maybe I hurt you by not being what you wanted, but I deserve better...and you do too."

"No Clarke please! You are all I ever wanted."

"Isn't that what you said to Raven?"

It was a low blow and she knew it, but she was furious with him.

"That's not fair. We were kids when we were together. It was a long time ago. I couldn't help falling out of love with her. People change. You can't help who you fall for." _No you really can't._

"No, but you **can** choose to be a decent human being, and you **can** choose to treat people with respect. Raven told me how you would fight over petty shit and how you decided to just up and leave instead of telling her to her face that you wanted to break up. She warned me about you when we first starting going out, and I thought the same things you did. It was years ago, people change, but clearly you haven't. Now leave! I have somewhere I need to be."

"Where? I'll drive you."

"No Finn. I'm not comfortable around you anymore. I honestly don't want anything to do with you."

"You're angry, just let me drive so I can make sure you get wherever safely."

"That's rich coming from you."

"I wasn't going to hurt you Clarke...I could never. I was drunk."

"I suppose that's your excuse for everything, including those hickeys on your neck?"

He turned even paler than he already was, and quickly brought a hand to cover his neck.

"Clarke I-"

"Don't! It doesn't matter. I don't care who you fuck Finn. You are no longer my problem. You can be with whoever you want and so can I." 

She shoved him out the door along with herself. As she turned around to lock her front door, she saw him look her up and down as if he was just now noticing her appearance. The tank wasn't covering much, and she instantly felt 10 times more uncomfortable and wished she would have grabbed a shirt before leaving.

"What does that mean? Are you seeing someone? Is that where you are going?"

"I don't see how that is any concern of yours. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm running late."

"You can't be mad at me for sleeping with someone if you have been doing the same. I know you Clarke. You wouldn't have moved on that fast, it's only been 3 days. You had to have been with them before."

Clarke was absolutely livid now. _How fucking dare he?_

She didn't want to give him the satisfaction and let him know who she was seeing. She wanted him to sit and stir with it, but she was so angry that she couldn't control the words coming out of her mouth.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!? NO FINN I HAVE NOT BEEN SLEEPING WITH ANYBODY. UNLIKE YOU I TRIED TO RESPECT OUR RELATIONSHIP. I'M GOING TO SEE LEXA! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE."

"Lexa?! Who the hell is Lex-Oh my god the dyke from the dance?"

Clarke was full on seeing red now. She had never been this angry in her life.

"I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD FINN THE NEXT WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH BETTER BE GOODBYE OR I-"

"You can't go out with her!"

"Why the hell not?!"

"Nia told me all about her, she's dangerous."

Clarke laughed now. She honestly couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Nia? Nia doesn't know anything about Lexa! They hadn't even met until that night. I'm not listening to anymore of this shit. I'm leaving."

As she turned to go walk to her car, Finn called out, "She killed her girlfriend!"

That stopped Clarke dead in her tracks. That was the last thing she had expected to hear. She turned back around to face him now and was waiting for an explanation.

"Remember that girl Costia? Forrester or something, the one that was going to be like the next Sally Ride. The one that was on the news and in all the papers for getting a full ride to Polis, and being a big science prodigy?"

Clarke nodded. All she could do was nod. She didn't think she could speak if she tried. She knew where this was going.

"Well Lexa was her girlfriend. She was the one that pulled the plug on her. Everyone in the science department was trying to find a cure for Costia and she just took that chance away from her. She killed her. You can't be with someone like that. You are kind and giving Clarke. You and Lexa are nothing alike. She is going to hurt you."

Clarke could feel hot stinging tears roll down her cheeks. She was pissed. She was pissed she didn't know. She was pissed she was hearing about this from Finn. She was pissed that Lexa wouldn't be the first one to tell her this, if they ever became that close. She was pissed that others were talking about Lexa behind her back. She was sad. She was sad for Lexa and she couldn't imagine having to go through all that. But mostly, she was sad because on some level she understood. She got in her car without saying a word to Finn and backed out of her driveway.

 _I have more in common with her than you will ever understand_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TW: mention of blood*
> 
> Sorry for the wait, college started up again so I won't be able to update as frequently. I also don't feel great about this chapter, but more will be explained in future chapters. All feedback is greatly appreciated :)

_"Hurry up slowpoke! We're almost there."_

_Lexa would have made some sarcastic remark as a comeback, but she was too winded. Mount Weather was the tallest and steepest trail in the area. Lexa herself worked out often and was in shape, but she didn't know how Costia managed this with such ease. She was always impressing her. The hike would have been easier if Lexa didn't have to lug around their telescope and blankets. Stargazing was a normal past time for the two but tonight, Costia was extra excited because there was a waning moon and an unusually clear sky. With a telescope, or a good pair of binoculars, one would be able to see Uranus and Neptune.  The sun had set 20 minutes ago by the time they reached the top. Lexa gently set down the telescope and eagerly began unraveling the blankets when a realization hit her._

_"Oh my god! We are going to have to walk all the way back down! Why did I let you talk me into this?"_

_Costia came over to take the telescope from Lexa before placing a kiss to her nose._

_"Because you love me."_

_God she really did and there was nothing she wouldn't do for this girl._

_"Yeah, something like that." She said with a wink before placing a quick kiss to her cheek.  
_

_Lexa lied down on the blankets and patted the spot next to her._

_"Come here."_

_"Lexa, I want to get the telescope set up in the right spot."_

_"Hey, I hiked my ass and YOUR telescope, which is huge by the way, all the way up this damn hill. I think I earned a little R &R."   _

_Costia laughed and proceeded to lie down next to Lexa, placing her head in the crook of her neck and kissing her below her jaw._

_"It's not my fault that someone decided to foolishily dig into their savings and give me a Celestron for my birthday."_

_"That someone must be really stupid, or madly in love."_

_"Definitely not stupid." She said placing a kiss to her neck and then looking up towards the sky."No matter how many times I've seen this, it still leaves me in awe. The universe is so vast, but when I look up there, I'm home. It's so beautiful."_

_Lexa turns to face her, "It really is."_

_Costia then reaches up to cup Lexa's face and their lips collide, tongues soon finding eachother. Costia slowly pulled back and they rest their foreheads together._

_"Promise me something Lexa."_

_"Anything."_

_"Promise me that no matter what, whether or not I actually make it up there, that you find your home."_

_"Hey, of course you are gonna make it up there. You are so brilliant Costia. Anything you want, you can acheieve. I believe that, and I'm not leaving you remember? We're going to space together. I'm going to eat that crappy astronaut food, wear those stupid outifts, and you are going to finally see the world the way that I see you."_

_"I know that you don't really want to go. This isn't your thing. I just want you to be happy Lexa. We both have drifted to so many places. Never knowing which residents will be permanent, and I want you to have that stability. Space is by far the most unpredictable of places. It's constantly changing. You deserve a life that will keep you grounded."_

_"I don't care where I am, as long as I'm with you."_

_Costia then placed a chaste kiss to Lexa's lips before standing up and moving towards the telescope._

_"C'mon, let's get a look at what we came her for, whadaya say?"_

_"I say that I'm quite comfortable where I am now, and I would like to go back to what we were doing before." she replied with a smirk._

_"Haha we can do that anytime. Fine silly, I'll just get it into position without you."_

_Costia then moved the telescope and climbed further up a set of rocks._

_"Hey! Be careful Cos, that area is unstable."_

_"I just want to get a little higher for the best view."_

_Lexa laughed while shaking her head._

_"The tallest mountain in the city isn't high enough for you? Come down from there!"_

_"Alright, you just-"  
_

_And that's when it happened. Everything appeared to be moving in slow motion. She saw the rock give; she saw Costia's leg twist; she heard herself scream as she watched Costia's head collide against the boulder with a loud crack. She felt herself moving towards her girlfriend's seemingly lifeless form. She could see red liquid coming from the back of Costia's skull. She could taste the copper smell of blood in her mouth. If it wasn't for the bile that was climbing in her throat and threatening to spew out, she wouldn't even be sure if she herself was alive. She couldn't breathe all she could see was red._

The sound of a screeching kettle brought Lexa back to reality. _I'm not going to think about Costia today._

Truly, it wasn't her fault though. Clarke was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago and it gave her too much time to think. She had arrived 5 minutes earlier than her and Clarke had agreed on. She remembered that Lincoln said Clarke liked her coffee black, so she bought her a small one, and herself a tea. She chose a table by the window, and then started to panic thinking Clarke might be offended. Clarke had said she wanted to buy her a drink as a thank you, so now Lexa was over thinking and regretting everything. She glanced back down at her phone to check the time. She hadn't hit traffic and it was Clarke who had suggested the time, so she really was wondering where she could be. _Calm down Lexa, not everyone is as anal about being on time as you. It takes as long as it takes._

Just as she was about to text Clarke and check up on her, she saw the blonde frantically push herself through the front door. She quickly scanned the café and then was headed straight towards Lexa.  

"Queen Griffin has honored us with her presence."

Lexa immediately regretted her playful banter when she saw Clarke's bloodshot eyes and a somber expression on her face. _She has been crying, why?_

"Clarke, what's-"  

"I'm sorry I'm late Lexa! I didn't mean...I didn't know...I wasn't planning on...Finn just showed up out of nowhere and-"

Lexa shot out of her seat then and quickly came to stand in front of Clarke and placed both her hands on the blonde's shoulders.  

"Finn?! Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" _I swear to god if he touched her again I'm actually going to kill him._

Clarke shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears as she looked up at Lexa. She has never seen someone look more broken.

"I'm so so sorry Lexa."

_She's sorry? What for? She has nothing to apologize for. Is this because she was late? No, that's ridiculous. She said Finn didn't hurt her, but why was she crying? Why had she been crying? Why do we keep meeting like this?_

The next thing she knew, Clarke was wrapping her in a huge hug. Lexa was stiff and shocked by the contact. Clarke must have sensed her rigidness because she slowly pulled away; Lexa instantly missed the warmth.

"I'm really sorry about...I'm sorry I'm late." _Oh Clarke._

Lexa then reached out to tilt Clarke's chin up so she could look her in the eye.

"A queen is never late, everyone else is simply early."

That got a choked laugh from Clarke as she saw her reach up to wipe her face with her arm.

"I didn't take the commander to be a Princess Diaries fan."  

"Commander? Oh my god you have been speaking to Raven."

That got another laugh out of Clarke, and god, she just wanted to hear more.

"Of course, guess what your name is in my phone?"

"It better not be."

Clarke then held up her phone so she could see 'Commander hearteyes' displayed on the screen.

"Heart-eyes?" _So she had been conversing with Octavia as well_.

"Yup. And now that I know you are a secret Disney fan, I've never been more sure of my decision. I'm so looking forward to discovering more of your nerdy secrets."

"A-it's not a secret. Disney rocks. B-you still have to explain your princess nickname. And C-I assure you, not all my secrets are fun..." 

Clarke then lost her smile and Lexa wondered if she had said the wrong thing or too much, but then Clarke was looking at her with complete understanding. _How could she though?_ She could never possibly understand how it feels to have your world ripped away. _I never want you to feel that way._

There was some tense silence before Clarke looked to the table where Lexa had been sitting.  

"You bought me coffee?"

"Yeah, it's probably cold by now though."

"I'm sorry."

_Shit. That's not what I meant._

"Don't be. I know you said you wanted to meet up as a thank you, but since I got here first, I just bought the drinks without thinking. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." she said with a small smile. "I'll get the next round. We're not leaving until I get to know more about you, Leksa Trikru." 

The way she said her name combined with the way she was looking at her, Lexa started to feel that maybe that wasn't such a terrifyingly bad thing.

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮  

 

Clarke liked the color green, music, art, and hadn't declared a major yet. She has never had a pet, but always wanted a dog. She didn't have a favorite food and claimed to like everything. Lexa had learned that Clarke was more than willing to give up information about herself. Lexa was not an open book, but she did feel obligated to give Clarke something since she was sharing things about herself.

"Okay, so far I have that you like Disney, working out, the color blue, flowers, history, science, and your majoring in astrophysics. So you're basically just one giant nerd." she said as she stuck her tongue out at her. "Now that we covered the basics, it's time for more details."

_More? This is already more information then I generally give out. Now she wants more?_

Clarke must have sensed her uneasiness because she lightly reached out across the table to brush her fingertips against her own.

"Tell you what, why don't we make this kind of a game. I ask a question that you have to answer, and in return you ask me one. That way it's a fair trade and one of us isn't bombarding the other with an endless stream of questions."

Lexa was still in a little bit of a daze. This was the second time today that Clarke had reached out to make contact with her. She was staring at how close their hands were when she looked up at Clarke, and gave a slow nod.

"Good. Alright, so how did you come to own a gym? You're like what, 21?

"Isn't that two questions?" she replied with a smirk.

"You're right. How old are you?"

"Twenty. You?"

"Twenty one. So how did you become the next Bruce Lee?"

"Lincoln's mother Indra owned the studio initially. She expanded it into a gym to teach more styles. Anya and I showed up one day to take self defense classes. We quickly became regulars. Indra I guess saw potential in us, because she quickly started training us herself, free of charge."

"Wow that's really nice of her; she sounds like an amazing woman."

"She was."

"Was?"

Lexa gave a slow nod.

"When she passed, she left the studio to Lincoln, Anya, and I.  Lincoln however, insited that he wanted to make his own way. He is very proud, like his mother.  He still works out there, and will occasionally take some shifts if Anya and I can't make it for whatever reason. I didn't want it either initially, so it's in Anya's name, but we all basically share it."

"Lincoln is a very nice guy. I'm happy for Octavia, she chose a good one."

Lexa gave a small smile at the thought of her friend being so happy recently.

"Octavia seems...nice as well."

"I just realized I had asked you two questions again. I suck at this. Go on, you ask me two, it's only fair."

"How'd you get the nickname princess?"

"My mom said it was what my dad used to call me when I was little...so she started doing it, and when my friends picked up on it, it kind of became a running joke. Also, me being the homecoming princess in highschool, which is the runner up to the Queen, just made it more official."

Lexa noticed the hesitancy in Clarke's voice when she spoke about her father, so she decided not to push, and instead asked,

"Who won Queen?"

What she really meant to ask was, _How could you come in second to anyone? You are beautiful._

"A girl named Nylah. We kind of had a one time thing my freshman year, so I wasn't mad about losing. She is a good person."  

She remembered when Octavia brought up the fact that Clarke also liked women, which instantly caused butterflies in her stomach. Hearing Clarke's admission that she had actually been with a woman though, this brought on a new shade of red to her cheeks. _This is so ridiculous, I shouldn't be feeling like this._

"Are you okay?"

At first, Lexa thought Clarke was just trying to further embarrass her, but when she looked up, she saw the seriousness and broken look back in the blonde's eyes.

"I'm fine. Are you?" _God this is such a déjà vu._

"Lexa...when Finn showed up today..he told me something...he said some things he shouldn't have and-"

"We do not have to talk about this if you don't want to Clarke."

"What happened to Costia?"

Lexa felt like she had been punched in the stomach. This was the last thing she had expected to be asked. This is not what she wanted to be asked. She felt so many emotions: shock, sadness, guilt, and she started to feal the anger resurface. She knew people talked about her, she knew what people said about her, but she thought time would sweep this under the rug. She should have known people would still blame her, because she still blamed herself. She just didn't think the blonde would be one of those people. She couldn't hold back the venom in her words when she narrowed her eyes and looked back at Clarke gritting her teeth.

"Why are you scared to talk on the phone?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter than the others, but faster update. All feedback is greatly appreciated. :)

Clarke flinched at the question like Lexa had slapped her. She knew Lexa was just trying to deflect from answering, but it was the way she had asked, that is what hurt her. She had never seen Lexa like this. Not that she knew her well or anything, but she wasn't expecting this kind of reaction.

She wasn't planning on bringing up Costia. When she first entered the café and saw Lexa, she felt a million different emotions running through her. She was worried that Lexa might be annoyed that she was late. She was nervous about eventually having to tell Lexa that she knew about her late girlfriend, to some extent. She was also happy. Seeing Lexa sitting there in her jeans, white tank, and black leather jacket, spiked a warmth in her chest. Lexa looked so happy to see her, that she didn't want to bring this up and ruin a potentially great evening. But, Lexa was also very observant and could tell she was upset. She was so concerned and so caring. The guilt was consuming her. She knew she didn't have a right to know the details of Lexa's past. She was aware that this was not something the brunette would want to discuss; but she wanted Lexa to understand that she gets it. She wanted to be there for her. So when she had asked about Costia, and got this response in return, she felt immense sorrow and anger start bubble up.

She couldn't control the words that she would eventually speak; she couldn't control the painful memories and the vivid images that started to resurface in her mind. It was all so clear; like it had happened moments ago.

_"Wells, you better pick up god damn it."_

_Clarke was pacing. Wells and Raven were supposed to be here 30 minutes ago, and she had yet to hear anything from either of them. Wells was normally so good at keeping in touch, that she was starting to panic._

_After an excessive amount of ringing, she was finally able to hear her favorite sound instead of an automative voice message._

_"Hello?"_

_"Wells! Where have you been? Bellamy is going to be home any minute, and his girlfriend kind of needs to be here for his surprise party don't you think? And I kinda miss my boyfriend too." she said with a large smile._

_"I know, I'm sorry babe. I just picked up Raven; she couldn't find her phone charger or what she wanted to wear. So that kind of set us back, but don't worry, we're on our way."_

_"Well that explains why she wasn't answering me. Tell her she could show up naked for all Bell cares. Just hurry up."_

_She could hear Raven laughing loudly in the background._

_"Are you sure you're not the one who wants to see me naked princess?"_

_"In your dreams Reyes."_

_She couldn't hear what she was sure would be another sly remark from Raven, as Wells spoke up._

_"The only one who gets to dream about Clarke is me."_

_"Not if you don't get your ass over here."_

_"I'm merging on the freeway right now. Don't worry Clarke. I'll be there. I promise."_

_"Hey! No talking on the phone while driving! That's dangerous!"_

_"You're the one who called me!" he said in an amused tone._

_"I know. I'm sorry. I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

_She was just about to hang up when she heard what sounded like a cry and then a blood curdling scream._

_"Raven? Wells?"_

_A loud bang._

_"Wells?!"_

_A crash._

_"Wells Jaha, you better answer me right now."_

_Silence._

_"WELLS!"_

_Nothing. The line was dead. Clarke kept the phone to her ear. Waiting. Just waiting for a signal, a sign, a call back. She never got one._

"Raven lost all the feeling in her leg that day. Wells lost his life."

She was staring down at her nails as she was digging them deep into the palm of her hands.

"If I had just been patient...if I would have waited to call...he would have seen the truck. It was a drunk driver...he was swerving...Wells would have noticed him sooner...if it wasn't for me."

She looked up now to see stunned green eyes gazing back at her. She couldn't stop the tears that were threatening to fall or the bite in her voice.

"That's why I don't answer the phone."

Lexa was looking at her with so much hurt, that she couldn't stop the tears as they began to fall again. _This is not what I want. I don't want your pitty. I just wanted you to see that I understand._

"Clarke. I'm...you are so strong Clarke."

That is not what she expected Lexa to say. Everyone just pitied and walked on eggshells around her. Everyone was afraid she would break. At first, she couldn't even be in the same room with Raven. Everytime she saw the brace supporting her leg, the guilt ate away at her.

"I'm not strong. I can't even hear the dial tone of a phone without going into a panic attack. I'm not strong. I just destroy everything I touch."

Wells' death was her fault. Raven felt so disgusted with her brace, that she broke up with Bellamy. She felt unworthy of love. That was her fault. Bellamy was so heartbroken that he moved away to the furthest college possible, to pursue a career in piloting. A job that would allow him to be away from all the painful memories. That was her fault. Octavia never getting to see her brother, the only family she had left, that was her fault. Seeking comfort with Finn almost two years later, knowing he was Raven's first heartbreak, she still pursued him. That relationship is over now. That was her fault. Her father leaving her mother because he couldn't handle the responsibility of having a kid, that was her fault. Her mother having to work twice as hard to support them, that was her fault.

"You blame yourself; but it is not your fault Clarke. It's not your fault."

Clarke didn't want to believe it but Lexa was looking at her like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like what she had just said was as factual as the sky being blue or water being wet.

She looked straight into those emerald eyes and said with the utmost sincerity,

"It's not your fault either."    

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮  

 

Neither of them said anything after that. Lexa didn't discuss Costia any further. Clarke let it go. She was so exhausted from reliving the memories and crying, that she just wanted to go home and sleep until she forgot. They still remained silent as Lexa was walking her back to her car.

"If...if you no longer wish to see me...I understand Clarke. I'm sorry I ruined our...I'm sorry."

That is what was so strange though; she did still want to see her. _Why couldn't you just talk to me? I would never judge you. Why can't you see that?_

"I'm just...so tired." _I'm tired of feeling like this._

"I'll drive you home...if you want."

Clarke let out a hollow laugh. Why didn't anyone think she could handle herself? _Maybe it's because you're an emotional wreck Griffin._

"No. I'm capable of driving myself home." 

"It's not safe to...if you're tired I will-"

"I'll survive."

Lexa was looking at her like she wanted to reach out and touch her; but instead she gave a slow nod.

"Anya told me that life should be about more than just surviving. I was beginning to think maybe we deserve better than that...but I'm not so sure."

"Maybe she's right...maybe we do..."

She didn't know what came over her, what possessed her to move closer to Lexa; but she was soon using one of her hands to cup the side of Lexa's face to bring her closer. She could see the surprise in Lexa's eyes, she heard her breath hitch, but soon, their two lips met.

It wasn't rushed and it wasn't hard. It was the most gentle kiss of her life. It was nothing like she ever felt with Finn. It was different than Nylah, and softer than Wells. It was so warm and so sweet. Their lips fit so well together; like two puzzle pieces from separate boxes that you would never expect to work, but it did. That was the strangest part. In a world where everything was so wrong, this seemed right. She wasn't sure if Lexa felt the same; she didn't dare open her eyes. She was so timid with her movements; so careful, and then she felt the slightest pressure back from Lexa. _She's kissing me back...holy shit she's kissing me back!_

Clarke felt the tiniest twitch at the end of her lips begin to curve up. It wasn't even a half smile, just a giddiness she could not contain. More confident now, she began to turn her head to try and deepen the kiss. She brushed her nose against Lexa's; not wanting to break contact for a second longer than necessary. Just as she was about reconnect their lips, she felt Lexa pull away.

She looked up through half lidded eyes and saw that Lexa had backed away and was no longer even looking at her.

"I'm sorry...I...this isn't right."

She felt completely embarrassed. _How could I misinterpretate this situation so badly? Did she even kiss me back or was I just imagining it?_

She remained silent. She didn't know how to respond. _What can you say to that?_ She felt so defeated and couldn't look at Lexa when she continued to speak.

"No. That's not what I meant. I wanted to...you are upset and hurt Clarke...we both are. This shouldn't happen like this...not yet..."

 _Yet._ She could work with yet. Lexa was right. She looked up to meet her eyes again.

_Maybe there are some things worth surviving for._


	8. Chapter 8

"You kissed her?!"

Lexa was furiously throwing punches and kicks at the boxing bag in front of her. She hadn't stopped or taken her eyes off of the same spot on the bag for over 20 minutes.

"Well, she kissed me...and then I kind of kissed her back...so yeah."

"And then you told her it was wrong?"

"Yeah..."

"You're an idiot."

"Thanks. Really, why do I confide in you again?"

"Because if it weren't for me, you would be buried under a pile of books or lying in a gutter somewhere. Either that or you'll overwork yourself to the point of death...seriously how long have you been going at this?"

"Dont. Know." She said in between punches.

"Lexa. You need to relax. Maybe try yoga, or meditation or something..."

"I'm fine."

"I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about my punching bag! I don't have it in the budget to go and buy new equipment everytime you get into one of your moods."

Lexa then stopped and wiped the sweat that was dripping from her forehead with the bottom of her tank. Anya gave her a sigh as a thank you. She didn't really stop to please Anya though, it was more due to the fact that she could start to feel the bruises forming on her swollen knuckles.

The bruises were worth it though. Working out was the only thing that was relieving her from all the pent up stress and anxiety of yesterday's meeting with Clarke. _Clarke._

She started to get warmer just thinking about her, well more specifically, the kiss. She wanted the kiss, oh how she wanted to kiss her. But, Clarke was not in a good place. She was over come with grief. She wouldn't rationally want to kiss her. _Would she?_

As she stripped herself of her drenched tank, leaving her in just her sports bra and shorts, she started to uncap the lid of her water bottle, when she heard a loud whistle.

"Dayyumm commander! Those are some solid abs you got going on there! Why don't you pass me one of those water bottles, because I am suddenly **very** thirsty."

Raven had just limped into the building with a huge smile on her face. Lexa would normally be flustered by these type of comments, but she has come to learn that this is just Raven's personality. She's harmless, but the way Anya was glaring at her, you would think she is some type of mutated mountain creature.

 _Maybe it's a good thing Octavia accompanies Raven to these lessons,_ she thought. That way there would be witnesses if Anya tried to murder her during one of their private sessions. But, the other girl was nowhere to be found.

"Hey Raven, where's Octavia?"

"O? She's with Clarke...she wanted to have a girls day to talk and stuff."

_Talk? About her? Stop. Not everything is about you; but this can't be a coincidence right? You kiss her and then push her away and now she needs to talk with her friends? This can't be  good. You really made a mess of things._

While Lexa was working herself into a panic, Anya asked,

"Are you not a girl?"

"Do you wanna find out?"

Anya's face was red again and Lexa felt no sympathy for her. Raven was finally someone who could take whatever Anya spat, and hand it right back to her.

"I'm not into that mushy stuff anyway. Don't get me wrong, I'll always be there for Clarke and O, they are my best friends. But Clarke has known Octavia longer, so they are closer, and I think she would be better for her in this...situation."

Lexa didn't miss that Raven had eyed her when she said situation. _Great._

She suddenly felt a renewed energy and went to go spar with the punching bag again.

Raven then turned to Anya,

"Was it something I said?"  

Anya then groaned and threw her hands up in the air.  

"I'm surrounded!"    

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮  

 

Lexa was tuning out Professor Kane as he was lecturing on quantum physics, dark matter, and the multiverse. This was actually her favorite class, and she would normally be enthralled in the conversation, but she could not stop thinking about one Clarke Griffin.

The girl was taking over all her thoughts and completely making her lose focus, something she never did. She had not seen or spoken to Clarke since their last conversation in the café parking lot. It had only been two days, but it felt like forever. She had no right to be this restless, she was the one who asked for space. _Ha. Space. If there is another universe, I hope I'm not fucking up as badly there as I am here._

She was glad today was Friday. _Has it really only been a week since I met her? Maybe I did go through some wormhole. There's no way I should be obsessing this much over someone I just met._

She was looking forward to focusing all her energy on working out at the studio. She was ready to run, fight, kick, and punch until her mind and limbs were so exhausted, that they could not possibly think of those pools of blue.

She was completely unaware that most of the class had already exited the building, until Kane lightly called for her attention.  

"Lexa; may I speak to you for a moment."

She shoved her book and papers in her bag and slung it over her shoulder as she slowly approached the professor.

There was a silence that settled among them, and she soon realized that Kane was waiting until the last person filed out of the classroom.

"Sir?"

"Is everything well Lexa? You seemed...off in class. As if your mind and attention were somewhere else entirely."

"I'm fine." _If I had a dollar for every time I was forced to say this, I would be able to buy a million punching bags for me to destroy. Anya couldn't possibly give me shit for it then._

"Make no mistake, I'm well aware that this is a college classroom and I can't tell you how many times I've caught a student falling asleep during my class...but you are normally one of my more astute students." 

This was more due to the fact that Kane was her favorite teacher. Unlike many of the other professors in the science department at Polis, Kane never judged her or made it obvious that he knew of Costia. He treated her like every other student and for that, she held a great amount of appreciation and had much respect for him.

This could not be said of the others, especially her Earth science teacher, Professor Titus. The man was always glaring at her and trying to throw the past in her face.

Whether it be during lectures about the life cycle on Earth, where he would not so subtly point out that 'All life is precious. There is a food chain, but we do not decide who lives and who dies. We do not kill to survive; that is what separates us from the animals.' or when he would flat out ignore or dismiss her every time she would raise her hand to answer a question.

Costia, being the brilliant mind that she was, knew all the science teachers and developed personal relationships with most of them.

Costia had an innate ability to connect with others, but it was Titus who became her mentor. Although he specialized in Earth studies, Costia believed if she had all the knowledge of Earth, she would be able to colonize and make space just as lively.

"I did have some other things on my mind, but don't worry sir, it will not happen again."

"Relax Lexa, this is not a scolding. I also wanted to inform you that I submitted a letter of recommendation for you on my behalf to NASA's Pathways employment program. Hopefully you will be hearing from them sometime soon."

If Lexa was an emotional person she would start to tear up right now, but all she could manage was firmly grasping the professors hand and comically shaking it up and down. 

"Thank you so much sir. I promise I will not let you down."

"I have no doubts Lexa."

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮  

 

She had walked a little taller the rest of the day. _This is what you're working towards._ She reminded herself, _This is what you need to be focusing on._

After completing the rest of her classes for the day, she was happy to run and felt all the more free. She ran so hard and so long, that it wasn't until she collapsed on her bed a sweaty mess, that she took a glance at the clock and realized it was half past eleven at night.

Anya wasn't home yet, which she would normally find strange, but she figured she was probably just doing bills or tidying up more at the gym.

She was removing her socks and the hair tye that was binding her curls together, and stripped herself of her tank when she heard her phone buzz on the nightstand next to her bed.

**Princess Griff:**

Hey...are you up?  

Lexa was filled with both relief and panic.

_So she does still want to talk to me. Should I respond? It's late. If I ignore her she would just assume I'm asleep and it wouldn't be rude. No. You want to talk to her. She is a friend. It's okay to talk to a friend._

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Yeah I'm up.

**Princess Griff:**

I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted. You were right, I was a mess and I should not have confused you with my mixed emotions like that.

Lexa instantly felt herself deflate.

_So she does regret kissing you. This shouldn't be a surprise, you knew this would happen. Be glad you put a stop to it before you really got attached._

**Commander Hearteyes:**

It's okay.

**Princess Griff:**

It's okay that I kissed you? Or that I acted like an ass?  ;)

Lexa couldn't help but a let out a small laugh. It felt good to lighten the mood and she was grateful to Clarke for it.  

**Commander Hearteyes:**

I was the one who acted like an ass. I shouldn't have snapped at you. We agreed to share things and I guess...I was just taken aback is all.

**Princess Griff:**

I understand. That was really all I was trying to tell you, is that I understand. Friends shouldn't push each other though...we are still friends right?

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Of course!

Lexa surprised herself by how fast she had hit send.

**Princess Griff:**

Good :) Then you wouldn't mind if we meet up or hang out again?

Lexa could feel herself smiling. _She wants to see you again._

**Princess Griff:**

As friends of course ;)

And just as quickly, the smile was gone. She didn't know why this disappointed her. _You were the one that pushed her away! She's just respecting that._

**Commander hearteyes:**

Of course. Where does my Queen wish to meet? ;)

Another wave of anxiety hit her after she pressed send. _Am I allowed to go back to the playful banter? Is this considered flirting? Friends flirt with each other sometimes, right?_

**Princess Griff:**

Well since we met at my territory last time, why don't I come to your Castle ;)

_She wants to come to my apartment? Didn't she just say she wanted to be friends?_

Lexa tried to seek out clarification while remaining chill.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

The donut shop/café is your territory now? ;) and you want to see my place?

**Princess Griff:**

I think Lincoln can attest that I probably spend more time there than I do my own home. And I meant the studio. I want to see the commander in action ;) If that's okay I mean...

She let out a breath she didn't know that she was holding.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Yeah that's fine. I normally teach children's classes in the afternoon after school, you can come by anytime. You would have to put up with Anya though.

**Princess Griff:**

Umm is there a time when she's not there?  

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Haha is the Queen scared she'll be dethroned? ;)

**Princess Griff:**

I'm not scared! It's just I'm pretty sure she hates Raven's guts and since I'm Raven's friend, isn't that hate by association?  

Before she could reply back, she heard the door to their apartment slam. She ventured out of her room to see Anya come stumbling in with her hair disheveled and sporting bruises on her neck.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"You look like someone gave you a serious beating. What's with the bruises?"

She saw Anya's eyes widen as she raced to the bathroom mirror.

"That bitch!"

"Who? Oh my god are those-"

"Don't."

"I thought you were at the gym all day? Where did you find the time? All your clients, according to you, are weak males whose masculinity are extremely fragile. Except of course, Rav-"

"Enough."

"Oh my god!"

"Drop it."

"Raven? I thought you hated her?!"

"I do!"

Lexa couldn't help laughing.

"Yeah I can see how much."

"Shut it Lexa! Or I'll call up Blondie and tell her you want to suck face with her."

Lexa threw her hands up in mock surrender.

"Fine An, whatever you say."

"I'm gonna go take a shower. A **cold** one!"  

Lexa watched her as she closed the bathroom door, shaking her head smiling.  

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Anya definitely doesn't hate you. But if you want, I'll let you know when to come. That is, on the rare occasion that she isn't there. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or regret it.

**Princess Griff:**

I don't.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Don't what?

**Princess Griff:**

Regret it. Kissing you.

Lexa felt her heart slamming so hard against her chest, she was sure it would bruise.  

**Commander Hearteyes:**

You don't?

**Princess Griff:**

I mean I didn't want to make you uncomfortable either and I agree it shouldn't have happened like that, right after the things we were discussing...but no. I don't regret it.

Lexa couldn't help but re-picture Clarke's mouth on hers. The softness of her lips. The warmth. The way they moved so well together.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

I don't either.

 

Now she was the one who needed a cold shower.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize that I uploaded this on the 6 month deathiversary of Lexa :'(
> 
> You can find me still crying about this here: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/disneydatass


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to me for writing a much longer chapter than usual; and then re-writing said chapter after my computer deleted everything. Also kudos to you guys for leaving likes on the last chapter. That felt good. ^_^

Clarke hated Mondays. Mainly because she had to suffer through her earth science class with a teacher that hated her; but it was also because it meant the start of another long week.

She didn't really have a job, other than occasionally helping her mom out at Arkadia. She didn't know what career she wanted to pursue, so everyday felt long with no real purpose. She knew she was lucky. She had a home and a mom that provided for her, which was already more than what her friends had. She essentially had so much freedom, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was trapped in some sort of cell. Clarke didn't always think about life so darkly, she supposed that changed after Wells passed. She mentally kicked herself, she hated when she would start the self pitying. She had amazing friends who were there for her through everything, even when life was hard on them.

Raven had to grow up fast since her mom was an alcoholic. She moved out of her mom's place as soon as she could and began working on cars for a living. On the surface, it may seem like a low level job, but Raven always expressed how much she loved it. _Well, loved getting her hands dirty._ Clarke thought with a laugh.

Raven joined their group in Jr. High and she couldn't imagine her life without the girl. She was a real genius and could make and fix anything. She could solve any problem that came her way. She just hoped that Raven could see the potential in herself that Clarke always saw in her.

Octavia, her other best friend who she has known since the first grade, didn't have the best childhood either. Her and her older brother Bellamy never knew their father, which is partially why Clarke found herself drawn to the Blake siblings, and their mother wasn't the best caretaker either. Something they shared with Raven. Bellamy raised O, so when he left, Octavia moved in with Raven.

The move didn't surprise Clarke. They got along so well, they both shared a love for Bellamy in different ways and she had a feeling they both blamed Clarke for him leaving. They would deny it of course, but she had noticed some resentment from Octavia the first month after Bell left. She didn't blame her for it, she took it as the punishment she deserved. Raven always hid behind her hurt with witty humour. That accident really changed all of their lives. They fought at times but they were more than just her friends; they were her family.

Her mind started to wander off towards Lexa, something it had been doing a lot of lately. She remembered that Lexa had mentioned that she was an orphan, and Clarke wondered who had been there for her during her tough times. _Who is your family? Who raised you to be such a caring person?_  

She hadn't texted Lexa since she revealed she didn't regret the kiss they shared. She was so happy to learn Lexa felt the same, but she didn't want to push it. She was going to take this, whatever it was, with Lexa slow.

The girl had a past she was not yet willingly to share and Clarke fully respected that. She had a distinct feeling that Lexa was someone worth waiting for, and that brought a smile to her face.

**Pocahotass:**

Jesus Griffin I can hear your thoughts from here! Care to share?

**Princess Griff:**

Really O? You are literally sitting right next to me!

**Pocahotass:**

What could you possibly be smiling about right now? How are you even still awake?

**Princess Griff:**

Maybe because it's only two in the afternoon. Most of the general population is up, what's with you?

**Pocahotass:**

It's not my fault that professor tiddy is the most boring man to ever be put on this Earth! Now spill it!

**Princess Griff:**

LOL he really is. Hey are you and Raven working out at Anya's place today?

**Pocahotass:**

Idk let's bring Raven into this little conversation shall we?

-group chat-

**Pocahotass:**

Yo greaseball! You going to The Bridge tonight?

**Princess Griff:**

The Bridge?

**Pocahotass:**

That's what the studio is called. Lincoln told me it was some metaphorical shit about being able to withstand harships, bridging the gap between the lightness and darkness within ourselves, ying and yang or whatever.

**Bombshell Bird:**

Looks like someone's boyfriend has turned them into quite the thinker? Tell me O, have you painted all the colors of his wind yet? ;)

**Pocahotass:**

Shut up!

**Bombshell Bird:**

Someone's worked up, so I'm gonna take that as a no ;)

**Pocahotass:**

Just answer the question Copernicus.

**Bombshell Bird:**

Nah. Anya cancelled today's lesson and I'm tired anyway.

**Pocahotass:**

Yeah I heard you coming in late last night again. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Princess Griff:**

Oh really? Why am I just now hearing about this?

**Bombshell Bird:**

Let's not talk about me, let's talk about why our princess is suddenly interested in physical education? It wouldn't have anything to do with a certain commander now would it? ;)

**Pocahotass:**

OMG so that's why you were smiling! You were daydreaming about Lexa and her hearteyes!

**Bombshell Bird:**

I don't blame her. The girl has a delicious set of abs.

**Princess Griff:**

Wait what?! When did you see her? _Raven had seen Lexa shirtless? Lexa was comfortable enough to show her abs to Raven but she can't kiss me? Stop it Griffin. You are getting stupidly worked up for no reason. Well not no reason. You did notice Lexa had solid arms and was very fit. You did briefly brush up against those muscles and it felt amazing and why is the classroom suddenly so warm?_

**Bombshell Bird:**

Do I detect a hint of jealousy there princess? ; ) and you do realize that I work out there almost all the time now that I added more classes with Anya. O has seen her shirtless too. It's not exactly some big secret.

**Pocahotass:**

This is true and yeah you have been around Anya a lot more lately...she wouldn't be the one making you look like a spotted leopard recently, would she? ;)

**Princess Griff:**

WHAT?! YOU AND ANYA? NO WAY!

**Bombshell Bird:**

Oh would you look at that, my chem professor wants me to fix his bunsen burner, time to make things go boom! GTG TTYL!

**Princess Griff:**

RAVEN!

**Pocahotass:**

Haha I knew it! And I will still go with you later today if you want Clarke. Maybe Lincoln is covering for Anya and I can see him too. We could double date :)

Clarke was about to stress that this was not a date when she quickly saw O go to hide her phone under her binder and felt a shadow lingering above her.

"The evolution of hominid intelligence can be traced over its course for the past 10 million years, and attributed to specific environmental challenges. There are primate species which have not evolved any greater degree of intelligence than they had 10 million years ago: for example, Miss Griffin should know by now that there is a no cell phone policy in my classroom, yet lacks the intelligence to adhere to that rule."

He stepped up to her and outstretched his pasty white hand; waiting for her to deposit the phone in his palm.

She looked up and glared at him as she could hear a few people snickering in the classroom. She wanted nothing more than to spit on top of his stupid bald head. She gritted her teeth and reluctantly gave him her phone.

_This class just became 10 million years longer._

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

As soon as the lecture was over, she rushed out of the classroom so fast, she didn't event think of waiting for Octavia.

Titus was always trying to make her feel stupid and she had fed him more ammunition. She was so enraged that she stormed down campus, not watching where she was going, when she suddenly collided into a pole. Well, at least it felt as rigid as a pole, but then she looked up and saw an angel being highlighted by the sun; accenting her perfectly braided brown hair.

"Hello Klark."

Clarke was at a loss of words and couldn't move.

Lexa flashed her that half smirk that she was starting to wonder was reserved just for her, as she watched her bend down to gather the few books that she dropped. Only then did Clarke shake out of her daze and began moving to assist the brunette.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going."

Lexa reprised her smirk.

"I can see that." _I guess today is embarrass the shit out of Clarke Griffin day._

She continued to stare into those forest green eyes when she heard her name being called.

"Clarke! Wait up!"

She rolled her eyes because neither one of them had moved since standing back up from the ground.

The sarcasm was heavy in Octavia's voice.

"Thanks for waiting for me! I really appreciate it. You left me to deal with baldy and I had to sit through another lecture just to get your phone back! So you're welcome."

Lexa briefly glanced at Octavia before turning back to Clarke.

"You are taking earth science? With Titus?"

"Not by choice. I needed some credits and I'm not a rocket scientist like Raven; so this just seemed the best way to go."

Octavia piped up, "Boy were we wrong. Professor tiddy has the biggest stick up his ass I've ever seen!"

Lexa laughed at that and Clarke was jealous that she wasn't the cause of that wonderful sound.

"Well he does hate cell phones; or really any form of technology. So it's best to act like you're living in the stone age around him."

"It wouldn't matter. For whatever reason the man has a personal vendetta against me. He acts like I fucked his daughter or something."

She heard Octavia snort but noticed Lexa wasn't joining in on the laughter. In fact, her smile was completely gone and her back was ramrod straight. She could sense her walls going up and could now see what Raven called the commander. _What did I say wrong?_

"Hey. I'm sorry I'm in such a grouchy mood. I feel like I could punch a baby."

She wasn't sure why she was apologizing to Lexa but she noticed the girl's shoulders had relaxed a little bit.

"Maybe I could help with that."

Octavia continued to laugh, obviously not noticing the tension in Lexa.

"You got a storage unit of babies for us to punch?"

Lexa gave Octavia an incredulous look.

"No. I train kids in self defense. They would be able to avoid any attack you would throw at them. I just meant you both could come to the studio and let out some aggression for a little bit." She looked back at Clarke, "Free of charge."

"Thanks! Princess and I were already talking about stopping by to see you today anyways."

Lexa was staring at Clarke and she saw some light being brought back into those eyes.

"You were?"

Clarke felt a flush of warmth spread to her cheeks. _You are acting so ridiculous._

"Yeah...it's kind of why I got my phone taken away."

Lexa now stated in a more serious tone,

"Then I guess I'm the one who should be apologizing to you."

"What for?"

"I have his class Wednesday nights. I actually hold the title for his least favorite student of the century. So if he found out you were hanging around me, then I probably just ruined your chances of getting an A."

"A-I was never going to get an A in that class to begin with. B-Screw him! Well not really, but you get what I mean. And C-I plan on hanging around you a lot more; so he's just gonna have to deal."

She noticed Octavia silently making gagging gestures with her hands but she couldn't be bothered. All she cared about was the smirk that was making an encore performance across Lexa's face. She felt her own face-splitting grin come into fruition as Lexa smiled back.

"I guess so."

In that moment she was willing to fail all her classes if it meant that Lexa would continue to look at her like that.

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

Clarke was completely captivated watching Lexa train the children. She could easily tell that all the kids liked and respected her. _Worshipped her is more like it._

She knew why. Lexa had used Lincoln for most of her demonstrations and she was in complete awe that Lexa could bring down a man of his size so effortlessly. To be honest, it also turned her on. _Get a hold of yourself Griffin._

Octavia couldn't even make fun of her for it, because she was drooling over Lincoln as well. He was so sweet and gentle with the kids that she was sure Octavia was already thinking about making tons of mini Lincoln's with him.

Clarke had no doubts that she would get her ass handed to her by all those kids. Lexa had taught them well, and it warmed her heart that she wasn't just teaching them self defense, but so much more.

"What are the three pillars of being a great fighter?"

The entire class responded back to her in unison.

"Wisdom, compassion, and strength."

"Good. Remember to not let anyone underestimate you just because of size. You are all worthy fighters. It takes more than just brawn to win a fight. You all did well. You are dismissed."

Clarke watched as Lexa put her hands together and slightly bowed to the kids.

The kids all reciprocated the bow and exclaimed together, "Sha Heda."

As the kids began to gather their belongings, she moseyed on over to Lexa.

"Sha Heda?"

The trademark Lexa smirk was back.

"It means yes leader. The term Heda is a sign of respect."

"So you really are a commander aren't you?"

Clarke couldn't help that the question came out a bit flirtatious. She had just spent an hour watching Lexa in a black tank top and shorts flexing her muscles. Seeing her in her workout gear, she was able to spot a tattoo on her right arm. It was a mixture of stars and swirls. It fit her so well.

She could see the peaking of another tattoo that started at the back of her neck and seemed to go down her spine. She couldn't be quite sure though, her tank and hair were covering most of it. She was itching to trace the designs with her fingers. _Griffin you are a gonner._

Lexa never had time to respond as Octavia now finally un-glued herself from Lincoln's arms to make her way over to them.

"Hey Lexa, are you guys hiring?"

"Hiring? You want to work here?"

"Well yeah. I need a job and I really like being here."

Octavia looked back at Lincoln and he beamed that kind smile right back.

"You would have to be serious about this Octavia. I will not hire you just so you can be closer to Lincoln. Anya runs a tight ship and we both put a lot of pride and work into this place."

"No. I'm serious. I understand. Lincoln still has his other job, I'm not gonna lie and say that I wouldn't also mind seeing him here but I have learned a lot from you guys already. I love fighting and I want to learn more. I can cover for you guys whenever one of you can't make it, or I can just clean up around here. Maybe I can become a great teacher like you."

"Flattery will not get you very far here. You prove yourself with actions not just words."

"All right, then I challenge you Heda."

Clarke felt her jaw drop as she and Lincoln both shouted at the same time,

"WHAT?"

"If I win, then you have to give me a job here."

"And if you lose?"

"Then you can charge me double for my classes."

"Very well. I accept your challenge Oktevia."

Clarke tried not to shudder at the way Lexa had clicked Octavia's name the same way that she had sometimes called her Klark. Just thinking about the way she popped the 'C' like a 'K' sent a wave of chills down her spine.

She had watched Lexa defeat Lincoln a number of times just moments ago. Now Octavia was expecting to defeat her in a one-on-one combat. _She's insane!_

Clarke saw Lincoln's dark skin become slightly paler as he clenched his jaw and fists. No doubt worried about his girlfriend getting hurt. He remained silent though and she couldn't tell if he was doing it out of respect for Octavia, or fear of Lexa.

She was about to speak up for both of them on her behalf when she swallowed her tongue and felt her mouth go dry.

Lexa had tied her hair up in a high ponytail and discarded her tank. Leaving her in just a black sports bra and her black shorts. Displaying her abs perfectly for all to see. _Oh god Raven did not exaggerate at all!_

She looked like she had been sculpted from the Greek gods. Octavia and Lincoln remained unfazed by the goddess before them, but Clarke could feel herself starting to sweat like she was the one who had just challenged Lexa.

Lexa went to one side of the mat, and Octavia went to the other.

"First to land three hits wins. Ready when you are Oktevia."

Octavia slowly began circling the mat and Lexa mimicked her movements. Octavia became impatient waiting for Lexa to make a move, so she lunged to strike first. Lexa easily blocked her fist with the side of her hand like she was swatting away a fly. She then quickly countered and landed a hard punch to Octavia's stomach.

"One to Lexa." Lincoln stated nervously.

Lexa made the first move this time which was blocked by Octavia. She quickly went for a second move which O had also deflected. Clarke saw a flash of surprise cross Lexa's face before it was quickly replaced with her stoic commander mask.

Octavia had blocked a third move that Lexa had made at her legs, but in doing so, she had left her face wide open for Lexa to land another sharp punch.

"Two to Lexa."

Clarke winced at what she thought would surely be a bruise to Octavia's jaw and ego, but surprisingly, the girl showed no sign of hurt or anger.

Lexa didn't ease up and came at Octavia with fists of fury. Octavia had managed to block every strike before quickly dropping low and sweeping Lexa's left leg; causing the brunette to fall hard on her back.

"One to Octavia."

There was no mistaking the immense pride that came through in Lincoln's voice.

Clarke had mixed feelings of joy for Octavia, and worry for Lexa. She didn't like seeing either of them getting hurt.

Lexa quickly returned back to her straight posture as her face remained neutral.

Octavia, more confident this time, came at Lexa fast. Lexa gracefully moved around the mat like it was a choreographed dance number. She bobbed and weaved before Octavia lost just enough stamina for Lexa to get through one final kick to her side.

"Three to Lexa. Heda wins the challenge."

Octavia caught her breath before gracefully bowing to Lexa.

"I bow to a skill far greater than my own. Good fight Heda."

Clarke wanted to laugh at how proper Octavia sounded before Lexa bowed right back.

"You fought well Oktevia."

"I guess I can now add 'not completely getting my ass kicked by Heda' under list of accomplishments on my résumé. Raven is going to be pissed when I tell her I lost more of our rent money. Do you know any place that is hiring around here?"

Clarke watched Lexa pick up a towel and throw it at Octavia's face.

"When can you start?"

"Wait. Really? But I lost? Are you sure?!"

Lexa gave her a slow nod.

Octavia then squealed a high pitched girly scream before jumping into Lincoln's arms. 

Lexa gave a knowing smirk to Clarke. _I hope she didn't do this just because of me. I mean it's sweet and Octavia is happy but she would want to really earn it_.

Octavia then collected herself and returned to stand in front of Lexa.

"Thank you so much Le-I mean Heda. Thank you Heda. Lexa. Heda Lexa."

"You're welcome Octavia. I can't say the pay is much but we would be happy to have you."

Octavia had a big toothy grin as she ran over to grab Lincoln's hand.

"C'mon babe! We're painting the town! I've got that minimum wage money now and I'm gonna treat you right."

Clarke couldn't help laughing as she watched the two love sick dorks exit the building. She couldn't believe how close they became in such a short amount of time.

Clarke felt Lexa staring at her as she inched herself closer.

"You know...you didn't have to do that. She would have paid."

As if Lexa had read her own mind from before she stated,

"I didn't do it to buy your friendship Clarke. She earned it. I don't just let people move me to my back. Octavia is not only a quick learner, but a worthy fighter. Anya would even be impressed if she saw her skills today."

"Right. I should have known that. I didn't mean to imply that you were being ingenuine."

"I was very genuine. But...perhaps I was subconsciously hoping that maybe you would stop by more as well."

"Subconsciously?"

It came out huskier than intended but she rolled with it. Lexa then gave her another nod.

"You seem to have entered into my neurological pathways." _Is she for real?_

"Is that the nerd way of saying you think about me?"

It came out barely above a whisper, but she could just make out what she said as Lexa quietly breathed out,

"Yes. More than I should."

She moved herself closer to stand right in front of Lexa. Their noses were inches away from each other. They were as close as they could get without any parts of their bodies touching. She longed to reach out and make contact. _Not yet._ she reminded herself.

"I think about you too."

_I guess that makes two sets of dorks._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I do not go around memorizing hominid facts. I quoted that fact from https://www.sciencedaily.com/terms/hominid_intelligence.htm  
> to make Titus sound smarter. Just giving credit where credit is due. But obviously everything else is written by me :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger warning* We get a little deeper, so there is mentions of alcoholism, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I wouldn't do this if it wasn't plot centric, but I'm just giving you all a fair warning. Hope it was worth the wait :)

Lexa was pleased to find that Clarke had in fact become a frequent visitor at The Bridge. The next few weeks became a pattern really. Clarke was at the studio almost every afternoon. Lexa knew this was logically due to the fact that Raven was a regular and Octavia was now their new employee; but she couldn't help but secretly hope that Clarke came to see her as well.

Clarke never exercised though. In fact, whenever Lexa would sneak a glance at the blonde, she would find her either intently staring right back at her or furiously scribbling in a notepad.

Lexa never worked up the courage to ask Clarke what she was working on. They didn't talk much really. That was mainly in part because they were all working. _Well, at least I'm working;_ she thought. Whenever Raven came in for her lessons with Anya, it became more of a 'who could piss off the other first' match. Anya's lessons, the term being used loosely, were mainly just the duo trying to one up the other. Lexa could never tell whether they were about to make out on the gym floor, or full on start fighting.

The clashing would obviously distract Octavia from her duties, as she insisted on making sarcastic remarks to piss off the fiery pair even further. Octavia was a loyal employee, but if Lincoln showed up, that was just another distraction. So it was up to Lexa to keep face and maintain any dignity the studio had left. Leaving her not much time to actually converse with Clarke.

In between her classes with the kids though, Clarke would try and make some small talk. She had learned that Clarke went to TonDC community college before transferring to Polis. But, she had taken a year off so she was a junior instead of a senior. This made Lexa feel better about her situation. She felt like someone else got it. Clarke never told her the reason she took a year off, but Lexa assumed it was because of Wells. _And boy can I relate to that._

She felt bad that their conversations were mainly one sided. She wanted to share things with Clarke, but she never had to do this before. It was so simple with Costia. They both came from the same type of background. They just got each other. Loving her was easy. Losing her...that was something she didn't think she could go through again. _I can't._

As kids began filing out of the building, she found herself looking towards the direction where she would usually find Clarke. She was sitting the same as always; head down and furiously scribbling away in the notebook she had come to associate the blonde with. Clarke was so concentrated on her work, that her tongue began to slightly peak out between her teeth. This had become one of her favorite looks on Clarke. Well, that and her smile. _Nothing could beat her smile._

_I should tell her more about myself. She has shared so much with me, it's only fair. Where do I even start though? Maybe I should just get her something instead? No, that's stupid. You already said you were not buying this friendship. Maybe I can take her out somewhere. As friends...or more. Does she really want more though? Why is this so hard?_

"Do you need some water commander?"

Lexa now shifted her gaze away from Clarke to focus on Raven; who was giving her a knowing look.

"No. Why?"

"Because I can see the steam radiating from your head. You are seriously overworking that brain of yours. Does it hurt?"

Lexa must have really fried her brain, because she had no idea what the raven-haired latina was talking about.

"Does what hurt?"

"Your eyes. I don't think I've seen you blink once since we've been here. Your 'Heart-eyes', as my friend O would put it, are about to burn a hole in the side of my friend's head!"

Lexa then narrowed her eyes and clenched her jaw.

"You do realize that I have the authority to fire your friend don't you? And aren't you supposed to be having lessons with Anya?"

Raven then looked over her shoulder and gestured to the mat where Anya and Octavia were currently sparing.

"She's a little busy at the moment."

"Jealous?"

"Jealous?! Of Who? O? The girl is totally straight and obsessed with Lincoln and his log. No worries."

Lexa had to physically force herself not to hurl at the thought of one of her closets friends, who she considered a brother, doing anything of that nature. Raven was completely unfased by any of the sickening glares Lexa had thrown her way as she continued,

"You can't just fire Octavia because I'm messing with you."

"Yes I can."

Raven then threw her hands up in surrender and gestured towards Clarke with her head.

"Alright, I'll stop teasing you. But you do realize that you can talk to her right? She's not gonna bite. Well...maybe in some circumstances she might, I haven't gotten to know her that well yet." she said with a wink.

Lexa felt a spike of jealously rise through her just at the insinuation. _This is ridiculous. Clarke is not mine. I need to stop acting like this._ She could feel her face starting to flush red as she began to sweat.

"Woah! Chill commander, I'm just pulling your leg! Since you've got two good ones. Princess only has eyes for you."

Now she felt like she had been thrown into an ice bath. She instantly cooled down from the shock. _WHAT?!_

"What?! What do you mean?"

"Geeze, you can't seriously be that blind can you? Why do you think she's here practically everyday?"

"You and Octavia are here practically everyday."

"Ugh! At this rate I don't know how you guys are even friends! You are both clueless!"

Lexa ignored her jab and instead asked, "Is Clarke a writer?"

"What? No. Why?"

"She always seems to be writing something. She looks like she enjoys it."

"She's been coming here for weeks and you haven't even asked her about that?! How did you ever get her to give you her number?"

"Look. I want to ask her out. I want to get to know more about her, and I want her to know about me. I just don't know what she likes, or what I should do. I don't want to screw up...I care about her."

_Well shit, just bare your soul to a practical stranger why don't you?_

She didn't know why she opened up to Raven so freely. She never did this. She rarely even discussed her feelings with Lincoln and Anya. She wanted this with Clarke. She wanted to try. She supposed she opened up to Raven since Anya and Clarke were close to her.

"Hey, don't think so hard about it. Clarke is a red-blooded American female; she likes what all girls do. Long walks on the beach, pina colodas, and getting caught in the rain."

Lexa seriously began thinking this over, before Raven burst out into laughter.

"Oh my god! I'm kidding! Your face though! This is so priceless!"

"You're a bitch."

"Hey, I resent that! Only Anya is allowed to call me that term of endearment."

"You two sure have been getting close lately."

Raven then blushed and Lexa was surprised to have tripped up the girl.

"Well...I mean yeah. She doesn't treat me any differently. Even with my leg, she still pushes me just like she would with O or any other client. It's nice to be respected and not pitied ya know?"

Lexa then nodded and looked at Raven with more admiration. She didn't feel weird anymore about opening up to her about Clarke. She liked that Raven could trust her with this as well.

"I do. You and Anya are good for each other...in a weird sort of way. You keep each other on your toes that's for sure."

She could tell that Raven was uncomfortable with this compliment.

"Yeah...well I should get back and make sure my friend gets to keep her toes." She lightly punched Lexa in the arm, "Just talk to her commander. You'll be fine."

Lexa gave her another nod as she looked back over to where Clarke was still sitting, and began to make her way over to her.

Clarke was still so focused on her work, that she didn't even hear Lexa approach. Lexa was able to look over Clarke's shoulder to see that she was sketching Anya and Octavia sparing. To call it simply a sketch though would be an insult; it was amazing.

"I didn't know you could draw."

Clarke then jumped up and dropped the pencil and pad of paper that was previously on her lap.

"Shit! Don't sneak up on a person like that! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"I'm sorry."

"No. I-it's okay. I didn't mean to snap; you just surprised me is all."

Lexa then began to bend down to pick up the notebook she had made the blonde drop, when she saw another page that had fallen out. She quickly glanced at it as she picked it up, and saw that it was a beautiful charcoal drawing of a woman in a fighting stance. When Lexa really stopped to look at it, she was mesmerized and shocked to see her own face being reflected back at her.

With wide eyes, she looked up at Clarke.

"Is this...is this me?" _Is this really how you see me?_

"Oh...umm...that's not finished yet..."

"It's amazing. It's really...beautiful." _She made me look so unreal, almost god-like._

"I just draw what I see."

Lexa was now lost in a sea of blue. She was completely baffled at the real goddess that was staring back at her.

"No. I'm not...this is...breathtaking."

"So are you..."

Lexa was at a loss for words. There was a million things she wanted to say, but she couldn't bring herself to speak any of them. _No. You are the real work of art. There is no way I could ever be good enough for you. You deserve the world.  I won't ruin the life of another person that I lo-care for. What are you doing? You have a career path to focus on! This isn't you. You need to shut this down. Head over heart._

Clarke's previous comment had rendered her speachless. She was so lost in her thoughts that she forgot to respond to the blonde.

"...Lexa?"

_I need to say something! I can't ask her out now. This is too fast. I should leave. No! you can't just leave! Think! Use your head! Say something! SAY ANYTHING!_

"Would you go!?" _Way to use your head._

"...I'm-"

"NO! Out. I meant out! With me! Would you like to go out with me?" _Nice save._

"Oh..." _I wish I was in space without a suit. What have I done?_ "Yes." _Wait. Did she say yes?_

"Did you say yes?"

Clarke hit her with that amazing smile that was better than the picture itself.

"Yes. Yes I did. I would love to."

_Well maybe I won't let the air out of my suit just yet._

 

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

 

Lexa ended up taking Clarke to the beach. She knew Raven wasn't serious when she had suggested it, but it was not that bad of an idea. It was the first week of October. So it was warm enough for shorts, but cold enough in the crisp fall air to wear hoodies.

Lexa had laid out a blanket for them to sit on, and brought a picnic basket. Inside the basket was some food, along with some art supplies she had brought to surprise Clarke. It might have been cliché and over the top, what with the sunset hitting the ocean, but it was all worth it to see how Clarke's face lit up more perfectly than the rays on the sea.

"I can't believe you brought art supplies."

"Why? Do you not do landscapes?" _Have I screwed this up?_

"No I do. It's just, I wouldn't be able to talk to you if I was focused on painting. I'd be a horrible date."

"I doubt that. Besides, I love to watch you. Draw, I mean. You seem really in your element when you are working on your art."

Clarke lightly chuckled. "Well it is something I enjoy doing very much. It just...calms me."

"Do you plan on pursuing it as a career?"

"I never thought about it. I'm not that great. It's more of a hobby really."

"You never thought about your career?"

"I stopped making plans for the future a while ago...things change whether or not you want them to."

Lexa nodded. She completely understood how unpredictable life can be.

"Well, what do you want?"

"I don't know. To just be happy I guess. I can't think past today."

"You should consider sharing your art. You are very talented. Once you get people offering to buy your work, that will change the way you think about yourself."

"You already have."

Lexa couldn't help but break out into a smile. _She's something else._

They were sitting side by side, watching the setting sun. Close, but not touching. When Clarke had turned her head to return the smile, their faces were much closer than Lexa had anticipated.

She didn't know if the proximity of the waves were throwing off her equilibrium, or if the gravitational pull was just stronger at this specific spot, but she felt herself slightly leaning in closer to Clarke.

To her surprise, she noticed Clarke was also shifting towards her as well. Lexa glanced at Clarke's lips, and felt her eyes beginning to close, before the sound of a distant ship's horn caused both of them to jump back.

_The world actually hates me._

She noticed Clarke let out a small sigh, as she brushed more of her golden hair behind her ears. A small smile still on her face.

"So what about you?"

"What about me?"

"What do you want?." _You._

"I'm going to space."

Clarke then lightly started choking on the grape she had just plucked into her mouth.

"Wow. Really? I know you told me your major, but I've never met anyone who really planned on being an astronaut. At least, none that stuck with it after elementary. What made you want to be one?"

"Costia..."

Clarke then reached out to intertwine their fingers together.

"Hey. I know I pushed you before; but you don't have to share anything that you are not comfortable with telling me. Really."

"No. I want to Clarke. It's time...I trust you."

"I know how hard that is for you."

Lexa nodded and nervously looked down at her hands. The sight of their hands clasped together and the warmth that was coming from Clarke's hand, gave her enough courage to look back up to stare at those azure eyes. _I guess the only way to start is from the beginning._

"Growing up an orphan, I was constantly moved around from home to home. To put it nicely, being in the system is a real shit show, and most of the foster parents are worse. A lot of them adopt just to get checks from the government. It's very rare to find someone who genuinely cares. I met Anya though, actually I don't even remember meeting her, she was just always there. Like the sister I never had. Whenever she was moved or taken in by another family or group home, she would fight for us not to be separated. She was always fighting for me."

"I didn't know Anya was an orphan as well.  You are lucky to have her."

That brought a small smile to Lexa's face. _You really have been a pain in my ass from the start An._

She noticed that Clarke was silently urging her to continue.

"Growing up like we did, you always had to fight. Whether it be from abusive foster parents, or other kids. Just in general, we always seem to be at war with something. One day, during my freshman year at TonDC High, I got into a particularly bad fight. Anya then suggested we both take self defense classes. We didn't have much money, and I don't have to tell you where we ended up going."

"The Bridge." Clarke said.

"Yes, The Bridge. That's where we met Lincoln, Indra, and...Costia."

She looked over at Clarke and saw that she was thoroughly transfixed on her story; so she continued.

"Costia was also abandoned by her family and grew up in the system. She and Lincoln were good friends so she spent a lot of time there. Indra practically took us all in. We were a family. I don't know when I fell for her...we were friends and then we weren't. I mean we were, but we became more. We both didn't have to explain anything to each other, because we just knew..."

Lexa started to worry that maybe this was not the coversation to be having on a date. She looked over and saw that Clarke looked like she was trying to hold back from saying something.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. It's just...that's how I felt with Wells. I don't remember when I fell in love with him. He was my best friend since forever. I always loved him. As a friend, as family, and then just more."

Lexa gave her a silent nod. Clarke then continued, "Please, go on."

"We stayed close throughout high school. Costia was brilliant. She was good at everything, but loved science and space. I liked science too, but I never thought of making a career out of it. Costia had all these plans for us and I just agreed to it. I couldn't imagine going anywhere that she was not. Not even college. Of course, none of us had money, so I didn't put any real hope on going to a University. But Costia got a full ride to Polis U, Anya got a grant for Business, and Lincoln was already accepted; so I just worked hard to get in too. I got a scholarship for physics. Space was just always the plan."

"So you don't really want to go."

"It's all I've ever known. This is what I've been working towards for years. I can't just give it up; I don't want all this to have been for nothing."

"It's not giving up if it's not something you ever really wanted to do."

"We do things we don't want to do all the time."

"That's true, but we also have a choice. You have a choice Lexa."

Lexa then felt a wave of sorrow hit her. She felt like the undercurrent was dragging her back down to the dark depths.

"I don't always make the best choices." she choked out.

"What do you mean?"

"Costia hit her head. That's how she ended up in the coma. She was unresponsive for weeks. Because she didn't have any family, and I was the closest thing to her, it was up to me to make the decision whether or not she should live or die."

Lexa noticed Clarke swallow. She knew what came next, the entire campus knew, everyone knew. Lexa then inhaled a shakey breath before continuing.

"She wasn't alive. Not really. The machines were doing everything for her. Her heart couldn't even pump without assistance. She couldn't breathe without the tubes. She was brain dead. People were trying to find some sort of miracle cure for her. People told me to pray. But I knew the science behind it. She was never going to wake up. She was not coming back. I couldn't just let her rot on a bed. I couldn't watch her waste away. I had to do it. I had to sign the papers to allow them to unplug the machines. I made the decision with my head and not my heart."

Clarke then pulled her into a tight hug. Lexa willed herself not to cry.

"That was an impossible decision you had to make; but you did what you had to do. You are so strong Lexa."

Hearing the words she told the blonde just weeks ago being echoed back to her, she pulled out of Clarke's embrace. _No. You have no idea._

"I'm not. I didn't handle it well. I couldn't go to school. Everyone either pitied or blamed me. I couldn't see their faces. I shut out Anya and Lincoln. I didn't talk. I began drinking. A lot. It got so bad that I didn't want to live anymore. I just didn't care. About anything. I was so messed up, that one night I went drinking into the early hours of the morning. I was so hammered. I could barely stand, let alone walk. I even tripped over my own feet and slashed a huge hole in the shorts Costia gave me. They were my favorite." she said between a mixture of a sob and a laugh.

Barely above a whisper, Clarke asked gently, "What happened."

"I got a wake up call. The cops found me; well someone I guess tipped them off that a pathetic drunk girl was laying by the side of the road. The officer was nice though. His name was Gustus. I remember it because he easily could have thrown me in jail for my behavior. Anya though, she really let me have it. She and Lincoln took me to rehab to make sure I got the help I need. They were with me through everything. I wouldn't be here today without them."

She looked back at Clarke and saw that her eyes were wide and that she had gone completely pale. Her mouth was slightly parted and she was looking at her like she had seen a ghost.

_I knew it. I knew I shouldn't have told her everything. This was too much. Of course it was too much. How can you expect anyone to handle all the baggage you have? I scared her away. I never should have-_

"It...It was you..."

 _What?_ "Clarke?"

"You're the girl."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really, really, didn't want to use the trope of Clarke being an artist/doctor. But it just writes itself, ya feel me? It's literally a part of her character; like Lexa's jaw twitches lol. Don't hate me!


	11. Chapter 11

Clarke was up pacing about the sand. She couldn't wrap her mind around this. She couldn't believe it. She then turned to face a now standing Lexa.

"You're the one I found that day."

_I can't believe it. All this time. It was her. It was Lexa. I should have known. I could never forget those eyes. But I did...How did I not see what has been right in front of me?_

"You're the one who called the police."

Lexa looked just as shocked as Clarke must have initially looked at this revelation. They both just stared at each other for a long while in silence. Neither of them moving, eyes never wavering. The only sounds emitted were those from the waves lapping against the shore.

Clarke couldn't take the silence anymore. She quickly ran towards Lexa and threw her arms around her neck; burying her face in the girl's shoulder. No doubt staining the brunette's hoodie with some of her fallen tears.

"I was so worried about you."

Lexa placed her hands on Clarke's waist to steady her.

"Me? Clarke you didn't even know who I was then."

It didn't matter. There were still days where Clarke thought about the girl she found. Even a year and a half after the fact, there were still moments that she had hoped wherever the girl was, that she was doing okay. Now she was holding said very girl in her arms. _It does matter._

She pulled her head back to look into Lexa's eyes, which were brimming with unshed tears. Just like they were when she first saw her. Only this time, instead of seeing a broken girl, she saw a woman with hope. She cupped Lexa's face with both of her hands.

"I am so glad you are still here."

She rubbed small soothing circles with her thumbs on Lexa's cheeks; just to make sure that she was indeed here and real. _I could have lost you. I could have never even met you._

"Clarke." She said it so breathlessly. "It's because of you...if you hadn't stopped...if no one came...I don't think I could have...I wouldn't be...you could have left me...you should hav-"

"No. Don't." She didn't want to think about a world where she didn't know Lexa any further. "I was just doing what any decent person would. I was not going to leave you." _I never could._

"I was weak; so weak. But not you Clarke...your heart shows no sign of weakness."

Clarke slid a hand down from Lexa's face to place it over the center of Lexa's chest. She could feel the brunette's heart beating at an alarmingly fast pace against her palm.

"Lexa...you're heart..."

She looked up to Lexa with concerned eyes.

"I told you. I am weak Clarke."

The tragic irony of it all, was that while Lexa was praising Clarke for being strong, all she wanted to do was give in and press her lips to Lexa's. She wanted her to really understand that you can gain strength from others. That it is okay to ask for help. That this is not weakness. _I won't make the same mistake again. Not yet. I won't have her thinking I'm doing this out of pity._

Clarke then moved the hand that was previously still cupping Lexa's face to the brunette's hand; guiding it over her own chest, and placing it on her heart. Wanting Lexa to feel the effect that she was having on her as well.

"Me too."

Lexa was looking at her with so much affection, that it was taking everything in Clarke's willpower not to hold her closer.

"Clarke...I...I...want to show you something."

Clarke released a breath she didn't know she was holding. She wasn't sure what was coming at the end of that sentence.

"What is it?"

"It's not here. It's..." Lexa then stepped further away from Clarke, letting their hands fall to their sides. She then reached a hand back out to Clarke, waiting for acceptance.

"Do you trust me?"

 _Yes._ Lexa had trusted Clarke and opened herself up to her. Clarke could do the same.

"I do."

 

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

Lexa had led her deep into a forest. It was pitch black, other than the sliver of light that the moon and stars gave. She didn't know how Lexa was managing to maneuver through the woods so well. They were quite a ways away from the ocean, but the smell of seasalt still lingered in the air. Clarke tried to use her other senses to get a feel of where they were headed. She thought she maybe heard the sound of a nearby stream, but she couldn't tell. All she could hear was the sound of her own winded breath _I really should start working out more._ and the sound of leaves and twigs being crunched by her feet.

If she was with a stranger, she would start to wonder if this is where they would cut her up and dispose of the body; but she trusted Lexa.

Still, that didn't mean she was a little spooked being out so deep in the woods with virtually no eyesight.

"Umm Lexa? Do you have a flashlight or something? Maybe we should-"

She could hear the amused tone in Lexa's voice, and she was positive that if she could see her face, she would no doubt be greeted with the trademark Lexa smirk.

"I thought you said you trusted me?"

"I thought you said you had something to show me?"

"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind Clarke."

"Well I-"

Lexa then abruptly stopped; causing Clarke to run into her back. Clarke was about to ask why they had stopped, when she suddenly realized she could see her own hands again from the glowing light up ahead. Lexa silently grabbed her arm and moved them closer to the light. Lexa was running her other hand along the bushes causing more lights to jump up and dance in the sky.

They were soon surrounded by fireflies. Not just one or two, but hundreds: lighting up the entire area of the forest better than any artifical light could give. Clarke had lived here her entire life, and she couldn't recall ever seeing more than one, let alone so many gathered together in one area. She didn't even know they were native in this part of the county.

She was so entranced at the magnificent sight before her, that she didn't notice Lexa intently staring at her. She wanted to paint everything she was seeing. She wanted to capture this feeling on a canvas, so she would never forget it. She didn't want to speak. She was afraid that somehow her words would break the spell and cause them all to fly away, but she couldn't contain her awe.

"It's so beautiful."

"It is."

Clarke then turned to face Lexa; whose green eyes now sparkled with flicks of gold from the reflecting light that the fireflies were providing. She thought maybe Lexa's pupils were a little wider too, and she felt warmth radiating though her entire body at the sight.

"Thank you...for showing me this. It's truly amazing."

"There's actually something else I wanted to show you as well."

Lexa then gestured to a cave that Clarke hadn't noticed before. It was previously hidden without the light.

She nodded and followed Lexa to the entrance of the cave. Inside there was a fire pit, a small supply of water and dried foods, and a large sleeping bag that was piled high on a ton of soft looking blankets. The makeshift bed surprisingly looked rather roomy and comfortable. _Are we camping here? Did Lexa set this up? How long has she been planning this?_

Lexa saw where Clarke was staring and gave an uncomfortable cough. She clearly noticed the puzzled look on Clarke's face, because she quickly spoke.

"This is my home away from home."

Clarke was now more confused than ever.

"You live here?"

Lexa seemed mildly offended, but then mumbled in embarrassment, "No. I live in an apartment with Anya. I just come here when I want to think, or whenever I want to be alone."

She watched Lexa go to make a fire, lighting up the rest of the cave. She wondered if she did it as an excuse to keep herself busy so she wouldn't have to look her directly in the eye. She could make out some crude sketches etched into the cave wall. The thought that Lexa had clearly spent a significant amount of time here made her chest ache.

"How long have you been coming here."

"Since I was young. I found this spot after a particularly bad day at one of my foster homes. I just got so comfortable with it, having my own space, that I started coming here more and more."

She said it so nonchalantly. Clarke moved further into the cave. On one side of the wall, there was a simple drawing of a crescent moon with stars; along with some random flowers here and there. On the other side there was a squiggly line, which Clarke assumed was met to represent the ocean, and then a circle with legs.

"Is this a spider?"

"It's a squid."

Clarke couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"A squid?"

"I like them okay. Have you ever seen one in person?"

"Can't say that I have." she said with another laugh.

Clarke could have sworn she saw Lexa's cheeks tinge red, but it was most likely just from the heat of the flames.

"Neither have I. But I want to. They just seem so...majestic." _What a nerd._

Clarke felt herself breaking into a wide smile at the thought. She then finally moved to the back wall of the cave.

Carved into the stone were the letters 'C+L forever.' There was a small handprint that was traced with chalk under the L. Clarke began to wonder how many times she came here with Costia, and if it was hurting Lexa to be back here.

She heard Lexa approach her from behind, and was now looking where Clarke was staring.

"I came here more after she...she's never been here. No one knows about this place. Not even Anya and Lincoln."

Clarke then whirled around to face Lexa. She felt her eyes go wide. She felt like she was intruding on something sacred to Lexa. Like just touching the walls would bring it all crumbling down.

"Then why bring me here?" _Why? Why me? I didn't earn the right._

"Because I trust you. You're...special Clarke."

She didn't know what to say to that. She could feel her cheeks reddening and she knew she wouldn't be able to handle looking into Lexa's piercing green eyes right now.

She felt Lexa take her left hand and rub her thumb over the face of the watch she always wore.

"I always see you wearing this. It's special to you...who gave it to you?"

"My father."

"You must really love him."

"I don't know him."

She didn't mean for it to come out as angry as it did. She gave an apologetic glance towards Lexa. If she was taken aback by the sudden outburst, she didn't show it.

"He left when I was three. So I don't have any real memories of him. I haven't heard anything from him since. He could be dead."  _When did this conversation turn so fast?_

"He could be alive as well."

She let out a bitter laugh.

"I don't know if that is any more comforting. If he's alive, that just means he's choosing to ignore me."

She knew Lexa was just trying to console her. She didn't know why she was getting upset, she thought she was over this by now. _I guess you never really can be._

"Maybe it's for the best."

Clarke than gave her an incredulous look.

"What do you mean? Abandoning your child is for the best?"

"Maybe it was. Some people are not fit to be parents. I have experienced that firsthand. I think it's better to dream of what they could have been like, instead of meeting them and dreaming you had different ones. Sometimes it's better to not know what you're missing."

_I'm such an asshole! You are complaining about not knowing your dad when Lexa didn't get to know either of her parents. Nice. Real good Griffin._

"Lexa. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking when I said-"

"It's fine Clarke."

Lexa then stepped closer and reached to put a strand of blonde hair that had fallen in front of her face, back behind her ear.

"For what it's worth, he's missing out on getting to know a pretty great person."

"Pretty great huh?"

"Yeah, well your hiking abilities could use some work. Any living thing in a hundred mile radius could hear you stomping and breathing! We definitely need to work on your stealth."

She playfully pushed Lexa back and she just wanted to kiss that self righteous smirk off her face.

"Yeah? Well I hate to break it to you Commander, but you are no Picasso." she stated as she gestured back to the squid.

"We can't all be amazing artists like you Clarke."

And just like that, the playful dork was gone. Lexa was looking at her with the upmost care and importance, like she held the sun. _How does she do that?_

Clarke moved closer to her again, and grabbed both of Lexa's calloused but smooth hands.

"They're missing out too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patience: we will get there


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TW: There is use of homophobic slurs and mentioning of blood*
> 
> I apologize in advance for any mistakes since I'm doing this on mobile. I went back and I'm pretty sure I fixed my mistakes in all my previous chapters and cleaned them up a bit. 
> 
> I also love how this 'filler' chapter turned into a 7k monster! Hope it was worth the wait.

"Lexa, it's been over a week and you still haven't told me how the date went."

Lexa let out a groan. She really just wanted to get her work done. Anya was being more relentless than usual. It was bad enough that Octavia and Raven seemed to have been given some details about their date from Clarke; since they would always smirk and give her knowing looks. She liked the fact that Clarke enjoyed herself enough to brag about it to her friends, but at the same time, there were a lot of personal and private things discussed that she hoped would be kept in confidence.

"I told you. We went to the beach, it was nice."

"If it was so nice, then why haven't either of you set up a second date? You would think you've gone to third base already with the amount of eye-fucking that keeps taking place here."

She felt herself flush at the implication. She still replayed the only kiss they've shared in her mind an embarrassing number of times. But Anya did have a point. _Should I have asked for a second date? Do I wait for her to ask me now? Am I doing this all wrong?_

"We are taking it slow."

"I'll say."

"I'm sorry I don't just jump into bed with someone after one date. How's Raven by the way?"

"You know what? I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that and not kick your ass from here to the moon since your birthday is coming up. Speaking of, what do you want to do? I've given up on trying to get you anything since you are impossible to buy for. It's your 21st and I refuse to have you stay at home eating candy and watching space documentaries. We can just go out somewhere instead, my treat. I heard there's this new club that opened up. It's supposedly very gay in the best kind of way; maybe we could check it out?"

"Yeah, being surrounded by a bunch of drunks doesn't sound like my idea of a good time. At least, not anymore..."

"For fuck's sake Lexa I didn't say you had to drink. I wouldn't do that to you. You know I never want to see you in that place again. We could just go to dance and flirt."

Lexa scoffed at that. _Like there's anybody that I would look at that, that could come even remotely close to Clarke._

"Aren't you in a relationship?"

"Yes, but I wouldn't be the one flirting. I would be going to help you get some no strings attached sex."

"Did we not just start this conversation by having you yell at me for not getting with Clarke? Now you want me to just move on from her?!"

"Well clearly, you are not that interested in her or you would make more of an effort to communicate."

"Of course I'm interested! And for your information, I opened up to her and told her everything about Costia, about the drinking, about...and she was great. She understands. She didn't run, she was there."

_She's been there longer than I even realized._

It was still crazy for her to think about the fact that Clarke first met her when she was at her lowest. Clarke was just as beautiful and caring even then, as Lexa has come to known her now.

Lexa could see a devilish grin split across Anya's face. She quickly put together that she had fallen into Anya's trap and had given her exactly what she wanted to hear from the beginning.

"That's good to hear Lexa."

She rolled her eyes and was only slightly peeved that Anya had gotten the best of her again, when Raven and Clarke entered the building. Her eyes rapidly locked onto the blonde's and her mood was instantly brightened by the ray of sunshine that was smiling at her.

"Don't get any drool on my mats Lex. I just had Octavia clean them yesterday."

Lexa then turned and sent a murderous glare back at Anya for forcing her to look away from Clarke.

"I changed my mind. I know exactly what I want for my birthday. A full day of peace from you and any of your sly remarks."

Before Anya could quip back a response, Raven then exclaimed,

"Ooh the commander's having a birthday? When is it?"

"November 1st." Lexa answered at the same time that Anya said, "Halloween."

"Did you hear that princess? Your girl is so special, she was born twice!" Raven expressed with a laugh.

"I was not!"

She didn't know why she was getting so riled up. She internally blamed Anya.

"Then when is it then?"

Lexa could feel three pairs of eyes on her as she let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm not really sure. My papers got lost in the system initially and they carelessly screwed up my documents. One said I was born October 31st and the other said November 1st. My first foster family said I was born at midnight, right on the dot. I think it was so they could be cheap and just give me leftover candy for my birthday, but regardless, Anya and I have been celebrating it that way ever since."

She was addressing all of them but looked directly at Clarke when she spoke.

Clarke moved a little closer to her and said gently,

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not a big deal."

"Of course it is! Your birthday is in a few weeks and I'm just hearing about it now? How am I going to find a gift on such short notice!?"

Lexa was completely floored that Clarke would even consider getting her a gift. After all, whatever they were, they have not been it for very long and Lexa never really received presents before. With the exception of Costia, and Anya and Lincoln when they would sometimes chip in to buy something.

"Clarke. You don't have to get me anything. I don't expect you to; it's really not that big of a deal."

"Lexa. I'm getting you something. End of discussion."

Raven was laughing again and they all turned with raised eyebrows to stare at the latina who was in a fit of giggles.

"What's so funny?" Lexa scowled.

"The badass broody commander being born on Dia de los Muertos. It's so fitting."

"I still say it's on Halloween." stated Anya.

"I know! That's what's so funny! The choices are either All Hallows Eve or Day of the Dead. Either way you can't go wrong!"

"It's not that funny." Lexa pouted childishly.

Clarke then brought a hand to the side of Lexa's cheek.

"Ignore her."

Lexa leaned into the touch and was lost in that wonderfully familiar sea of blue again.

"Who?"

Clarke smiled and Lexa saw her glance at her lips as she felt her tongue move out to wet her own.

Before Lexa could even entertain the thought of leaning in, Octavia suddenly burst through the door panting and looking completely out of breath.

"Your shift started ten minutes ago Octavia. We could have used your help." Anya scolded.

"Really?" Octavia spat as she gestured around the nearly empty gym with her hands.

Lexa looked around and there was only one person working out and lifting weights. Well, he wasn't so much working out as he was flexing and taking selfies of his biceps. _Men._

"I'm sorry I'm late, but there's a good reason." she continued. "That bitch Nia was going around trying to find someone to be in charge of the human rights committee for campus. I guess since she won homecoming queen, she didn't really feel the need to pretend to care about the community anymore."

"So what's that got to do with you being late?" Anya scorned.

"When I was coming out of my class I overheard her talking shit about Clarke, and Lexa...she was just spewing a bunch of hate and lies and I just snapped. I got in her face and told her that Lexa should be in charge of the committee."

"YOU WHAT?" Lexa yelled.

"I know, I'm sorry! But you are such a good leader here and you would be great! You really know how to motivate people, and someone who is actually a part of the LGBTQ community should be in charge. Letting another Nia run would be just as bad, and I'm sure that's exactly what she wants."

_Trash days are on Friday. I could kill her, throw the body in a dumpster, and by the time they find it, they couldn't possibly trace it back to me. Clarke wouldn't be mad if her friend just disappeared right?_

"There's hundreds of other students who I'm sure would jump at the opportunity, but that's not me. You can tell Nia that I'm not interested."

"Well...you see about that...that's kind of why I ran over here...she's on her way as we speak."

"WHY?"

Lexa could feel her jaw start to lock from the amount of tension she was putting on grinding her teeth.

"She thinks you sent me to get all up in her face; so she said she was coming over here to challenge you."

"Challenge her to what?" Clarke asked with concern in her voice.

"I'm not sure. I think-"

She was interrupted by the sound of the door slamming open to reveal Nia and a small posse behind her.

"So we meet again after all."

Lexa straightened her back and remained rigid; not wanting to give Nia any sort of greeting.

"Sporty spice over there informed me that you wish to be in charge of the committee. Is this true?"

It wasn't, but she didn't want to give Nia the satisfaction of an answer. She deflected the question by pointing to the people standing behind her.

"Do you need an army to work up the courage to speak to me?"

Nia scoffed, "You all know my man Roan follows me wherever I go. He's obedient like that."

Roan shifted uncomfortably but said nothing as Nia continued.

"This is Ontari. She will take over my position as leader when I finish out the semester. She will make sure that everything I want for the committee will be put in place."

"We both know what you want Nia, just issue the challenge and let's get on with it."

"Very well. I challenge you to a fight. If you win, you or whoever you want can be in charge of the committee and make all the plans for it. But if I win, Ontari gets it."

Anya laughed, "You really think you can take on Lexa? You are more idiotic than I thought."

Before Nia could retort, Clarke finally spoke.

"Why does there need to be any fighting? Doesn't the campus generally vote on these type of things?"

"The Dean said I could choose anyone I wanted to replace me. So I solely have the decision. Whatever I say goes, but I do love a good competition and I think it would be fun to see this carpet-muncher get her ass handed to her."

Both Raven and Octavia had to physically restrain Anya from lunging at Nia.

Lexa then stepped closer, invading Nia's personal space.

"I accept your challenge."

She began rolling up her sleeves, ready to get this over with, when Nia let out a maniacal chuckle.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting ready to fight, as you so desired."

"You stupid dyke! I'm not fighting you! My father would sue your ass and make sure you were put behind bars for life! Not to mention he would run this poor excuse of a business straight into the ground if I came home with any bruises. You will be fighting Roan."

Roan looked just as shocked as all the others looked at this revelation.

"That's hardly fair!" Raven cried out.

"I never said I was fighting. I said I challenge you to a fight, but you never let me specify with whom. And we will not be doing this here. I wouldn't want your clients to see their precious teacher get knocked down and ruin your reputation as quite the **killer.** The fight will be held in the alley behind the bar near campus. First to be knocked out wins."

Lexa, Anya, and Clarke all noticed the emphasis Nia put on killer. They all knew what she was implying. The only reason she remained calm, was to not lash out in front of Clarke, and she didn't want to give Anya an excuse to go all Rambo.

"This sounds like an excuse for you to get away with doing something illegal and playing dirty." Octavia scoffed.

"Tonight at nine. I will see you there." Nia said ignoring Octavia.

"Yes. You will."

Lexa could feel Clarke's eyes on her as Nia sneered and walked out with her subservient soldiers.

Raven, Anya, and Octavia all began talking at once. Expressing their opinions but mainly stating how they were going to help her get ready for the fight.

Lexa didn't hear any of their suggestions though. She tuned them all out as she silently made her way to the back room where they kept extra towels and supplies; unaware that a seething Clarke had followed her into the room.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Lexa, semi startled, turned around to see a storm raging in the blue eyes she had quickly come to care about.

"Excuse me?"

"You agreed to a fight that will lead to one of you knocking on death's door! You didn't even want the position in the first place! So again, I ask, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"I was not going to let Nia insult me. I've heard of Ontari before. She treats men like property, just like Nia. She is not part of the community and she shouldn't get a say on decisions that could help or hurt them."

"But you are giving her exactly what she wants!"

"Only if I lose."

"Roan is the quarterback of our football team. He takes hits by guys three times your size on a weekly basis! Did you even think this through?"

"You've never seen me fight!"

She didn't mean to yell but she was starting to lose her patience.

"Yes I have! Have you forgotten that I see you spar all the time! Hell, Octavia only has a job here because she was able to knock you down! Now you expect to fight someone twice her size and strength?"

"Sparring is different than fighting. Especially one without rules."

"EXACTLY! If you think I'm going to just sit there and watch Roan beat you to a pulp then you've got another thing coming!"

_It's nice to know she has so much confidence in me._

"Clarke. I understand you're upset. But I won't let Ontari take over the committee. It will be fine."

"Damn it Lexa! This is not just about the committee! You could get seriously hurt! I'm going to talk to Nia and fix this before it's too late."

Clarke then turned around and moved towards the door, but Lexa instinctively and without thinking, grabbed Clarke's wrist and whirled her back around.

"No Clarke! Don't!"

Clarke stepped closer and became nose to nose with her. _Don't look at her lips. Don't look at her lips._

Lexa glanced down at her lips that were in a very firm straight line. _Damn it._

She sighed and took a step back, letting go of Clarke's wrist in the process.

"I know you are just trying to help Clarke, but you can't fix this. If I get hurt, I get hurt. You can't stop this. It is what it is, and you need to accept that."

"Like hell I do." she said firmly and stormed out .

Lexa could feel the vibrations of the walls shaking as she heard the front door of the studio loudly slam shut.

A fight with Roan she could handle. One with Clarke, not so much.

 

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

Lexa arrived ten minutes before nine with Raven and Anya. Octavia was not happy to be left behind, but Anya forced her to stay at The Bridge to cover for them. She could have called Lincoln, but it was also a punishment for helping her get into this mess in the first place. Lexa wasn't mad though, she was a little hurt that Clarke was not here to support her but she understood. She couldn't even think what she would do if the roles were reversed and Clarke was in her position. _There is no way I would let her fight and I would destroy anyone who came close._

They stood in the dark with only the light from the moon and a broken street light that was flickering on and off allowing them to see. The smell of cigarettes and the weeks trash were in the air.

"She sure knows how to pick a place." Raven quipped.

They heard footsteps echo across the brick walls and turned to face a grinning Nia; accompanied by an unimpressed Ontari, a slightly anxious Roan, and a group of about ten other students.

"Oh look the trash has arrived. I knew I smelled something rotten." Anya was clenching her fists so tight as she spoke.

Lexa could tell that she wanted to deck her. She looked over at the small group of unrecognizable faces and rolled her eyes at Nia.

"Was an audience really necessary Nia?"

"Some people placed bets. I couldn't deny them the chance to make some easy money. Plus, I would love for this to be all over the internet when my man humiliates you."

Lexa then turned to look at Roan, who actually seemed nervous. She felt sorry for him. She really didn't want to fight him. Sure, he could be an immature jock at times but she knew deep down he was a good guy. He was actually one of the more kinder athletes that she had come across on campus. She remembered how he used to hang around Costia's friend Miller from Bio. Miller is a sweetheart. So she knew that if he liked Roan, then he couldn't be that bad of a guy.

She shook the memories out of her head and discarded herself of her hoodie. Leaving her in black pants, a black tank top, and her hair tied back in a ponytail. She wasn't worried about getting cold, for she knew she would be working up a sweat momentarily.

She saw roan discard his shirt, showing off his six-pack and all the muscles that he had built up from football.

Lexa was handing her sweatshirt over to Anya when she spotted another figure pushing her way to front of the crowd. The figure lowered their hood to reveal blonde hair and petrified looking blue eyes. _Clarke._

She couldn't help the small smile that came across her face. _She came. She's here._

"I'm glad you came."

She said it in a whisper but really, she didn't care who heard her. _She still cares._

"Me too."

Lexa could see Clarke's eyes widening, and in her peripheral vision, saw Roan coming at her from behind.

She quickly dodged out of the way and threw a punch right on the side of his ribs.

_I guess there's no one, two, three, go in a fight with no rules._

She heard Roan hiss in pain but he soon rounded on her and began throwing wild punches.

Lexa bobbed and weaved as she was trained to do. She was easily dodging Roan's throws before one got passed her defenses and hit her hard in the shoulder.

With new fire in her belly, she began swinging at Roan in quick succession until she was able to kick him forcefully in the chest; knocking him to the ground. She used this moment of opportunity to glance back at Clarke, who still seemed just as worried as she was before the fight began. Lexa caught a flash of something to her side, to see that Roan had pulled out a knife. The blade shone as it was being reflected in the moonlight.

She heard audible gasps from the crowd and could see Anya struggling to try and make her way towards Roan while Raven held her back. Clarke looked completely pale.

"Remember this a no rules fight!" Nia sing songed.

Lexa didn't put a move like this past Nia, but she didn't think Roan would stoop so low. The momentary shock was enough to give him the upper hand as he struck Lexa with his fist, and used his other hand to swing the knife down closer to her neck.

Lexa stopped the blade with her hand, causing blood to trickle down her arm as the knife continued to be bury itself in the flesh of her palm.

With all the strength she could muster, she kicked Roan in the groin and swatted the knife out of his hand, sending it flying and landing somewhere near Raven's feet. Who as quickly as she could with her brace, bent down to retrieve it before anyone could get any ideas.

Roan was still hunched over with his hand covering the area of his manhood, as Lexa came and sent a gruesome uppercut to his jaw, flinging him to the ground on his back, as blood from his mouth and nose sprayed everywhere.

She towered over him and could see the resignation in his eyes. It would be so easy to render him unconscious and kick him while he was down. _Easy, but cruel._

"Get it over with." He rasped, as he spat out more blood.

Phones were out, and there were flashes of pictures being taken as Nia shrieked,

"YOU'RE PATHETIC! ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO LET SOME GIRL BEAT YOU? GET UP AND FINISH HER BEFORE I OUT YOU TO THE ENTIRE UNIVERSITY AS THE FAG THAT YOU ARE!"

Lexa couldn't take it anymore. She moved away from Roan's body, and was making a bee-line towards Nia before she saw a blur of yellow intercept her path, and move to strike Nia square in the face. The crunching pop of a broken nose could be heard throughout the alley.

Lexa was frozen in place. She was shell-shocked. Everyone was in complete silence. _Clarke. What have you done?_

Nia was yelling in pain as blood was seeping down and staining her designer outfit. Which Lexa was positive cost more than a months worth of her rent.

"GRIFFIN! WHAT THE FUCK? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID?! YOU ARE FINISHED DO YOU HEAR ME?! WAIT TIL I TALK TO THE DEAN! IF YOU THINK JAHA HATED YOU BEFORE, WAIT UNTIL I GIVE HIM THE PERFECT REASON TO EXPELL YOU! I WILL MAKE SURE YOUR MOTHER GETS HER LICENSE REVOKED. YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE HISTORY."

Lexa was still confused about what was going on, but she knew she couldn't let Nia make good on her threats. She would fight a million people and go through hell on earth before she would let anyone hurt Clarke. She then moved to stand protectively in front of the blonde.

"You will do no such thing Nia."

"What a perfect femme fatal pair you two are. We've got the one who killed her girlfriend and the one who killed the Dean's son. A deathly duo. I will make sure you both get what is finally coming to you."

_No. Wells was a Jaha? Wells was Thelonious' son?_

Lexa tried not to let the shock show on her face, as she glanced behind her to now see Anya restraining Raven from trying to go after Nia. Clarke was lowering her head in shame and trying to cover her bloody knuckles with the palm of her other hand. She heard the blonde sniff as she was trying to keep her tears at bay.

Her blood was boiling with rage for Clarke. Her voice was as cold as ice when she turned back to speak to Nia.

"You will not speak a word of this to anyone. If you do, everything that has been recorded will be released. People will hear your homophobic comments. People will see you for the monster you truly are. You will lose all your supporters from the community. Hell, they will probably take away your title of Queen and you could get expelled as well for organizing a fight so close to campus. Yes, I'm aware of what I have done and my involvement in all of this. But if you try and slander Clarke's name, if you try and bring us down, you will fall. I may not have the lawyers or money you have, but I assure you this Nia Snow, I will not be brought down alone."

She could tell her words struck a chord with her, as she saw Nia look around to the people still filming with their phones.

"Okay Trikru. This never happened. Go ahead and run the committee for all I care. You will slip up eventuallty. Seeing you fail as a leader will make my day."

"I am not going to take the position. I choose Clarke."

She heard Clarke gasp behind her as Nia still managed to smile while holding her broken nose.

"Like I said, I don't care. Let the princess run. Just because I won't say anything doesn't mean all these people won't spread what's on their phones and show what she did."

"They won't."

Lexa spoke with so much confidence, even though logically she knew she couldn't promise such things.

"And what makes you so sure they won't?"

"Because..." Roan stammered as he slowly got up and started limping his way towards the crowd. "I will pay for everyone's footage."

He then tried to straighten his body and raised his voice as best as he could through the pain, to address the crowd.

"Everyone! If you hand over all the photos and videos you took tonight, and give them to me so I can delete them, I will pay you three times the amount that Nia promised for your bets."

Lexa gave a respectful nod towards Roan as Nia's mouth fell open.

"You sinful traitor. I hope you know that you are going to hell for your ways."

"As long as you're not there, that's fine with me." Roan spoke with a new enthusiasm that Lexa had never heard from him before.

_I couldn't agree more._

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

Smelling of Lavender and fresh soap. Lexa slipped into an oversized shirt and plaid pajama bottoms as she ran her fingers through her newly combed hair. She was so ready to just collapse on her bed and finally put this night behind her, when she heard a knock on her apartment door. _Ugh what now?_

She tip-toed past Anya's room as not to wake her. The girl didn't even bother washing her face before she threw herself into her room and told her not to wake her unless a zombie apocalypse broke out.

Lexa couldn't blame the woman for being exhausted. She may not have been the one fighting, but she knows how much stress she puts on her friend.

Lexa made her way to the door and slowly opened it, to reveal an adorable Clarke Griffin donning blue flannel pj bottoms and a sailor moon t-shirt.

Before Lexa could say anything, Clarke quickly blurted out in a rushed whisper,

"I know it's late. I just needed to see you. I got your address from Raven. I hope that's okay?"

"Yeah of course. Come in please."

Clarke stepped through the doorway as Lexa moved to shut it behind her. They were both awkwardly standing in the small living room, and Lexa noticed Clarke staring at her bandaged hand as she began to stare at her bruised knuckles.

"Are you okay?" she asked at the same time that Clarke asked, "How's your hand?"

They both chuckled at the ridiculousness of the whole thing.

"It's fine." Lexa stated. "What about you?"

"It doesn't hurt that bad...it's just...I've never hurt anyone like that before..."

That didn't surprise Lexa. Clarke was so good and caring. She didn't think she could even hurt a fly. That's why it was so jarring to see her strike Nia. She remembered how she felt the first time she got into a fight. It was scary but a rush all at the same time. She understood this new feeling is probably what was unnerving the blonde. She moved to the couch and motioned for Clarke to sit next to her.

She remained silent as she watched Clarke scoot closer to her. She watched the blonde as she began to nervously fiddle with her thumbs.

"I went to talk to Roan." she said. "Before the fight. I tried to convince him not to fight you."

This was news to Lexa. She thought Clarke was so mad at her, that she left to go cool off. She didn't expect Clarke to show up at the fight, let alone go out of her way to try and stop it.

"What happened?"

"He told me he was gay. He said he wasn't ready to come out and that the only reason he had been doing Nia's bidding, was so that she wouldn't out him. She told him this was the last favor he had to do for her. And then when she said she was still going to out him, even after all he did for her...when she called him horrible names in front of all those people...after what she said and did to you...I just lost it."

"We all lose control over are emotions once in a while Clarke. It's okay."

"No it's not Lexa!"

Clarke was up off the couch now.

"I attacked someone! No matter what kind of horrible person she may be, that's never an excuse to assult someone. And now I'm supposed to be this poster child for human rights?"

"So this is what you're really upset about."

"I'm upset about it all Lexa! You should have spoken to me before claiming in front of a group of people that I would make this kind of commitment! You should have asked me how I felt! You should have considered my feelings before agreeing to put yourself in harms way!"

"Clarke. I was just doing what I believed was right. Nia and Ontari are not good people. They should not be given positions of power. But you Clarke...you could be someone people look up to. Someone they would fight for...you're worth it."

"I didn't ask for any of this. I can't do this Lexa."

Lexa felt her heart drop at her words. _She's breaking up with me. Is there anything to break-up? Does she no longer even wish to be friends?_

"You can't do what Clarke?" She tried but failed to hold back the sorrow in her voice.

Clarke must have caught on to how Lexa interpreted her words, because she moved closer and laced their fingers together.

"I can't go around like some ambassador of the queer community and present myself as this saint, when I'm the furthest thing from that."

"A-No one said you had to be a saint Clarke. Nia was head of this thing for years. It's a low bar to beat. B-I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't 150% believe that you'd be perfect for the job. and C-You were born for this Clarke."

That finally got a small smile from Clarke and Lexa felt like it was the biggest victory of the night.

They were both getting lost in each other's eyes and the feeling of warmth from their connected hands, as the sound of a loud thump and an explative curse interrupted their moment.

"Shit! Don't mind me...I was just getting some mouthwash...carry on." Anya said as she slithered her way back into her room.

Clarke let out a breathy laugh as Lexa stifled a groan.

"I guess I should be getting back home. My mom would freak if she actually got home before me for once."

"Let me walk you to your car."

"I'll be okay. I'm a big tough fighter now."

It was meant to be a light joke, but Lexa could tell it was laced with sadness.

Lexa brought the hand that was still entwined with Clarke's up to her lips, and slowly pressed feather-light kisses across her bruised knuckles.

"You are. In the best of ways Clarke."

That rewarded her with another endearing smile from the blonde, and Lexa was ready drown then and there with the amount of affection Clarke was looking at her with.

"On your night classes with the kids...what do they say to you again before they leave, that means goodnight?"

"They say reshop Heda."

"Right." Clarke said as she leant up to place a soft kiss on her cheek. "Reshop Heda."

Lexa could feel herself smiling

"Goodnight Ambassador."

 

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

 

It had been a little over two weeks and Lexa had not seen or spoken to Clarke since the night of the fight. She thought they ended on good terms. _More than good terms._ Her cheek still burned from where Clarke had kissed her, but yet everytime she asked Raven or Octavia where Clarke was, they would give her some lame excuse.

She tried texting Clarke and she would get short replies back saying she was busy, or sometimes no response at all.

She knew finals were coming up in December, but normally, study loads wouldn't increase until closer to the actual date. Clarke wouldn't take charge of the human rights committee until January. So every conclusion pointed to her being the cause of the lack of the blonde's presence.

She tried to immerse herself in her teachings, working out, and school work; but that couldn't fill the gaping void in her chest.

_I shouldn't have pushed that responsibility on her. God, why couldn't I have been more considerate of her feelings? I have to make this right._

In order to do that, she would need to get Clarke to see her face to face though. She was hoping to maybe spend some time with Clarke on her birthday, not that she even knew what she wanted to do, but that wasn't going to stop her from trying.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Hey Clarke. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do something with me on Halloween?

**Princess Griff:**

I wish I could Lexa but I'm working on this project for school and it's really taking up a lot of my time. So I'm prob gonna have to spend the holiday working on it :/

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Is there anything I can do to help?

**Princess Griff:**

Oh that's sweet of you, but it's kind of something I don't want people seeing.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

If it's for school won't people see it?

**Princess Griff:**

Right. I meant I don't want people seeing it while it's a work in progress. Thank you for offering though. And listen, I have to get back to work right now but I will ttyl okay?

Lexa furrowed her brow. This was not the Clarke she had come to know. There was no playful banter. She was consistently getting the cold shoulder.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Okay...well let me know if you change your mind.

Lexa sighed and put her phone back in her pocket. She couldn't stress about it anymore today. Anya was throwing a fit about budget prices for The Bridge. Luckily, Lincoln stopped by to help out and try and bring balance back to the gym.

"Hey Lex. Anya wanted me to ask you if you could get the ladder from the back room so I can put some duck tape over the holes on the roof."

"Sure thing. It's leaking again?"

"Yeah there was some light rain last night, but don't worry. Nothing a little duct tape can't fix!"

"I'm on it. Hey Linc...what are you doing for Halloween?"

"Octavia, Raven, Anya, and I are going to a costume party."

"Anya? I thought she said she was dragging me to some club or around the town for my birthday?"

Lincoln then started turning a different color and suddenly became flustered.

"Oh well...maybe she didn't say anything because we are all going as part of a theme...and since that's really not your thing...she probably thought she was sparing you."

"Well count me in. I haven't done anything like that in a while, what's the theme?"

"LINCOLN! DUCT TAPE. NOW." Anya called out.

"I better go get the ladder."

"Yeah and try and hurry, before it's off with our heads." he said with a nervous laugh.

She moved to the back room to where the ladder was normally kept, but saw that it was no where in sight.

_What the hell?_

She moved back out to the main room and could still see Lincoln acting strange.

"Hey Lincoln! I can't find the ladder. Do you or Anya know where it's been moved?"

"Oh ummm...I don't know...have you checked outside? Maybe by the dumpster?"

"Lincoln what is with you today? Why the hell would the ladder be by the dumpster? Are you okay? Did I knock you too hard in demonstrations today?"

"Yeah...I guess that's it. Sorry."

"WHERE THE HELL IS THAT LADDER?" Anya wailed.

"I'll go check outside."

Lexa reluctantly went outside and peaked inside the dumpter. Unsurprisingly, the ladder was not there or anywhere in the vicinity.

She then leaned her back against the side of the building and slid down to sit in the alley. She brought her knees to her chest so she could rest her chin on them.

_What the hell is with everybody lately? Anya has been more pissed off than usual, Clarke is ignoring me, and I can't seem to get a straight answer from anyone!_

She picked up the remains of a broken bottle and thew it hard against the opposite wall, watching it shatter into tiny little glass shards, when she heard the sound of whimpering.

She got up and moved closer to the sound and then crouched down by some broken crates to see a tiny abandoned puppy. It was scruffy, dirty, blonde, blue-eyed, and adorabley sticking it's little tongue out. Of course it had to look like and remind her of Clarke. _The universe just loves to fuck with me._

She leant down to cradle the puppy in her arms, and with no fuss at all, it leaned in and relaxed to her touch.

She went back inside the gym to see a surprised look on Lincoln's face.

"What do you have there Lex?"

"A puppy. He was just sitting there behind the dumpster and crates. There's no collar."

"Oh my gosh! A PUPPY!" Octavia suddenly shrieked as she dropped the bar-bell on the guy she was currently spotting and quickly ran over towards them. "Lincoln, we have to have him!"

"We? Babe you know there's no room in my place for a dog."

"But he's a puppy!" she pouted.

"And he will get bigger. Why don't you ask Raven?"

"Can't. She's allergic to their saliva or something. She gave me a long scientific explanation one day as to why, but I tuned her out as soon as she crushed my dreams of getting one."

Anya then came over to see what all the commotion was about.

"Un-be-fucking-leavable. Only you could be asked to retrieve a ladder and come back with an actual retriever. And no don't get any ideas Lex, that thing is not staying in my apartment."

"Isn't it our apartment? And c'mon, look at him? He's an orphan like us."

"Don't even try to guilt trip me with the orphan card. I'm not picking up it's shit and I barely have enough money to keep a decent roof over our heads, let alone feed and groom this mutt."

"What if I asked if this could be my birthday present?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

She then shoved the puppy in Anya's face, and watched as it reached it's tongue out to gently lick the tip of Anya's nose.

"Please?"

"ALRIGHT FINE. But never ask me for anything again. EVER."

Lexa then retracted the puppy back in her arms and kissed the top of it's head.

"So what are you going to name the little runt?" Anya asked.

"Aden."

"Aden? It's a dog not a kid Lexa."

"I like it."

"Whatever. You name it, you change it, feed it, and burp it."

Lexa felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and handed Aden over to Octavia so she could fish out her phone.

"Oh I'm SO hanging around you more now." Octavia squealed in delight as she swaddled the puppy in her arms like a newborn.

**Princess Griff:**

Thanks, but I'm sure I'll be fine.

 

_I guess I should build two dog houses._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't name the dog fish or rexa, so go me.  
> It gets better I swear.


	13. Chapter 13

"Princess what the hell? Where's your dress?"

Octavia looked pissed at Clarke's costume, or rather her lack of one. She wore a hot pink plaid flannel that was tucked into blue ripped jeans, and donned a small tiara and matching pink converse.

She agreed to take a group picture with her friends before heading back home. She had the evening all planned out and wearing a gigantic pink dress was not part of the itinerary. Her friends went all out though, and she had to admit they looked great in their costumes.

The theme was The Wizard of Oz. Raven suggested it since she was Iron Man last year and insisted that they went with a theme that would allow her to portray a 'loveable badass metal dude', as she put it, again.

So she was dressed as the the Tin Man, Lincoln was the Scarecrow, Anya was the Lion, Octavia went as Dorothy, thus leaving her to be Glinda the Goodwitch. She would have fought harder for the lion if she actually planned on going out tonight in a real costume. But since she wasn't, she allowed Anya to be the Cowardly Lion. Anya said he was actually called the 'Courages Lion', and that she would deck anyone who said othwise. _Yup, definitely fitting._ Normally, Octavia would never be caught dead in pigtails; but Clarke was sure the only reason she agreed to be Dorothy was so that way she could have an excuse to carry around Lexa's new puppy Aden. _Lexa._

She felt so guilty for ignoring her these past few weeks, but she couldn't let her in on what was going on. She knew that if she hung around Lexa in person, that there was no way she would be able to keep what she was working on a secret. Shutting her out was probably not the best way to go about it, but she just wanted everything to be perfect.

"Guys. Are we taking this picture or not?"

"What's got your tiara in a knot blondie?" Anya asked.

"Nothing. It's just I need to get home and get ready so I can text Lexa and tell her to come over to help with my...um...project."

"Your friends didn't tell you?"

"Didn't tell me what?" she said as she glanced over to a now guilty looking Octavia and Raven, who were trying to hide behind Lincoln.

"Lincoln over there decided to invite Lexa to play dress up with us. She's on her way over right now."

"WHAT? Guys this is not part of the plan!"

 _Shit. God damn. Shit. Shit god damn_.

"I'm sorry Clarke, but you try lying to Lexa for weeks! It's hard! She looked so sad and lonely, the guilt was consuming me!" Lincoln said remorsefully.

She couldn't be mad at him. She felt the exact same way and the guilt was definitely eating away at her.

"Still. A heads up would have been nice." she grumbled.

"It's hard to not ruin your plans when we have no idea what you're planning princess." Raven retorted.

Raven did have a point, but this was not something she could tell her friends. This was reserved especially for Lexa. Lincoln only knew a small part of it, but nothing that would actually clue him in on anything.

Anya then gave Clarke a mildly threatening look.

"Yeah, listen here blondie, I know you refuse to tell anyone what's going on, but you better have a good reason for making my friend mope around like a sad puppy. Thanks to you, I've got two of them living with me now."

"An, don't act like you don't love Aden." Lincoln said sweetly.

"Don't act like you didn't have anything to with this. You really expect me to believe that an adorable, perfectly healthy, and tame puppy just happened to be outside in our alley? Not to mention he just happend to be found close to Lexa's birthday? Give me more credit than that Linc, I know you planted that pooch."

Lincoln started blushing and tried to avoid Anya's accusing stare. Octavia then let out an over dramatic gasp.

"Lincoln! You lied to me? You know I've always wanted a puppy. Should I be worried that you can lie this well?"

"I really can't lie at all. Lexa was asking about the ladder and I started freaking out." he said this while looking at Clarke.

"What the hell does my ladder have to do with any of this? Do I even have to ask how it magically re-appeared in the back room?"

"Nevermind." replied Lincoln at the same time that Clarke said "Nothing."

"Yeah, I thought so." Anya said while rolling her eyes.

"Where the fuck is Lexa? I'm starting to rust over here!" cried Raven.

As if on cue, Lexa then pushed herself through the doors of the studio, and stopped short upon noticing Clarke's presence. There was no mistaking the confusion, hurt, and even anger in her eyes, and it pained Clarke to know that she was currently the cause of it.

"Lexa what the hell are you wearing?! Did you and Griffin plan to ruin this photo on purpose?" Octavia said as angry as she could while holding Aden.

Lexa was wearing a long-sleeved black v-neck t-shirt, with black leather pants and combat boots. Her face was free of make-up and she was sporting her hair in the usual intricate braids. The only thing that even suggested she was in some sort of costume, was the pointed black hat on her head and the broom she was carrying.

Clarke hated herself for finding Lexa so god-damn attractive when Lexa was looking at her with so much distrust.

"Clarke?" she said almost brokenly. "What are you doing here? I thought you were working on a project for school?"

"I was, but Octavia is pretty desperate to get this picture taken." she tried to joke.

Lexa didn't seem to pleased with this answer. _Right. You just basically told her that you value Octavia more than her. Way to go Griffin._

The tension in the room was palpable, and Anya was getting more annoyed by the second.

"Can we just take the damn thing already?"

Octavia moved into position by wrapping one arm around Lincoln while holding Aden in the other. Raven squished up against Octavia while Anya put her arm around Raven. Clarke then moved to stand next to Anya while Lexa awkwardly saddled up on the other side of Clarke. Lexa had left enough room so that she wasn't actually touching her. Clarke felt her heart being torn between affection from the amount of respect Lexa was showing her, and agony at the fact that Lexa was afraid to touch her.

Clarke slowly inched her hand to hover over Lexa's, before gently prying her fingers apart so she could mold their hands together. Lexa glanced down at their entangled fingers and looked mildly shocked at the contact.

"Alright! Everybody say monkeys!" Octavia said enthusiastically.

"Monkeys?" Raven asked.

"You know? As in the flying monkeys from the film? The ones where the wicked which-oh never mind."

She said this while urging Lincoln to outstretch his hand, so he could get everyone in frame with the phone.

The first photo came out so stiffly, that it took a few more snaps before they found one where they all actually looked like they were enjoying each other's company.

When the group dispersed, Clarke didn't realize that she was still clinging on to Lexa's hand until Raven started laughing.

"Oh man, you guys really didn't think this through. Isn't Glinda and the wicked witch like sisters or something in the movie?"

Clarke sent Raven a glare as if to say now is not the time, when Anya spoke up,

"Actually, in the Wicked version, Elphaba and Glinda are good friends and college roommates. Glinda shows Elphaba that it's okay to be different, and she breaks her out of her shell. So I say it's totally fitting."

Everyone snapped their heads in Anya's directions with slightly parted mouths and raised eyebrows.

"What?" she challenged back at the incredulous stares. "I've had a thing for Idina Menzel ever since Rent okay?"

"Oh really?" Raven teased. "Should I be jealous?"

"Only if she ever shows up wanting a private session; than yes."

Raven playfully swatted Anya's arm, and Clarke watched the two of them go at it before Octavia then approached her and Lexa with a package in hand.

"Thanks for doing this for me guys. Oh and here Lexa, this is just a little something from Raven and I."

Lexa let go of Clarke's hand to reach for the gift, and Clarke was already missing the connection. She watched Lexa timidly handle the package as if she had never been given a present before. She gracefully undid the string and paper it was wrapped in, to reveal a set of books.

One was [Rendezvous with Rama](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rendezvous_with_Rama) by Arthur C. Clarke, and the other was [The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hitchhiker%27s_Guide_to_the_Galaxy)by Douglas Adams. Clarke didn't have to think too hard about who picked what.

"I know you have probably read everything that has ever been written on space before, and that you know all the facts; but we figured these might be a little more entertaining. They should give you a break while still retaining the nerdiness of it all."

"Thank you." Lexa said sincerely.

Clarke felt her heart swell with pride at how thoughtful her friends were with their gift. The look of pure gratitude on Lexa's face just reminded Clarke how lucky she is to have them consistently present in her life.

"No problem. So I guess I'll see you guys later."

"Later?" Lexa confusedly asked. "I thought we were all going out?"

Clarke then intervined before Octavia could speak up.

"Lexa, can I talk to you in private?"

Octavia then moved back over to the group to give them space.

"Now you want to talk to me?"

_Okay, I deserve that._

"Can we talk about this in my car? Please..."

Lexa reluctantly nodded and calmly moved to follow Clarke out to her car.

Clarke anxiously sat in the drivers seat as she watched Lexa move to the passenger side. She repressed a giggle as she observed Lexa trying to clumsily fit into the car with her hat, books, and broom that she was carrying. She leaned over the console to grab the broom from Lexa and place it in the back seat when their fingertips brushed, causing a jolt of electricity to spark though them.

Lexa must have felt it too, because she dropped the books that she was carrying in the other hand on the car floor. 

"Sorry."

Clarke could tell that Lexa had apologized as if it were a reflex.

"Don't. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who needs to apologize."

Lexa then stopped fiddling in her seat, and turned to give her her undivided attention.

"Lexa I'm sorry that I was avoiding you. It's just...I-"

She didn't know how to say what she really wanted to. Everything she had planned in her head was not working out at all.

"You don't want to see me anymore."

"WHAT?" _How could she even think that? No. This is all so wrong. This was not how this day was supposed to go._

Lexa jumped back a little at the volume level of her voice but she started to repeat again.

"You no longer wish to-"

Clarke cut her off by reaching across the console to grab at both of Lexa's hands.

"No Lexa. No. God no, that couldn't be further from the truth."

"Then why have you been ignoring me? Why have you been lying to me Clarke?"

Clarke let out a heavy sigh.

"It's not what you think Lexa. I didn't want to...I want to show you something. Can I take you there?"

Lexa remained silent and she looked as if she was trying to figure out an intense math problem in her head.

"Please?" she asked softly.

"Where is it?"

"Do you trust me?"

She could almost see a hint of the trademark Lexa smirk start to form, but the stoic commander mask quickly replaced it before it could come into fruition.

Lexa then nodded, and that was enough of a confirmation for her to put the key in the ignition and start the car.

  _I hope she still feels that way after this._

 

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

"What are we doing here Clarke?"

They were both standing in front of the entrance to the cave that Lexa had shown her before. Clarke had told her to wait there as she went to go light a fire in the pit, before returning back out to stand in front of Lexa.

"This was supposed to be a surprise. I kind of had a more romantic way of going about this, but if my actions over the past few weeks have proved anything, it's that maybe it's best that the plans I have in my head don't turn into a reality."

She had originally planned for Lexa to come over to her house to help with her 'project' for school, only to have her walk in on a home-cooked meal that Clarke had prepared for her. She was then going to spend the day doing whatever it was that Lexa wanted to do. _Because she honestly doesn't get to do that enough._ Then, she would show-off her newly practiced stealth skills that she had been working on over the past few weeks from her treks to and from the cave, to impress Lexa. Finally, she would lead them to where they stand now.

This was what she intended initially, but she couldn't waste time. She had to show Lexa the reason she had been acting the way that she had over the past few weeks. She had to make her understand how important she was to her.

Lexa had her head cocked to the side in that confused puppy-dog way that Clarke found so endearing.

She motioned her fingers in a come here sort of gesture, and went deeper inside the cave first, so she could witness Lexa's reaction.

Lexa's eyes immediately went wide and she gasped as she stared at the first wall in front of her. It was a beautifully painted mural of the beach they sat on, on their first date. There was so much depth to the painting, the ocean seemed to expand forever and the sunset on the horizon brought out a beautiful array of colours. There were intricate details of the sea and what lay underneath it's surface. The coral and marine life depicted looked so realistic, that you would think they stood in front of a tank displayed at an aquarium.

Clarke watched as Lexa took a step back to take in the sight of the mural, and was rewarded with the Lexa smirk when she had spotted the squid. Clarke could only hope that she had captured the 'majestic' qualities that Lexa claimed they possessed.

Lexa slowly inclined her head to the ceiling, and Clarke could feel butterflies dancing with joy on the inside of her stomach at the look of absolute awe on the brunette's face.

She had painted the [Cosmos Redshift 7 Galaxy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosmos_Redshift_7) on the entire roof of the cave. Lexa had mentioned it to her once before as being one of her favorites, since it contained some of the earliest first stars that produced the chemical elements needed for the later formation of planets and life as it is known today. She could practically hear Lexa's voice reciting these facts in her head as she painted.

Although Lexa remained silent, Clarke could tell it was from being stunned in a good way. She greatly appreciated the silent compliment because this was the most painstakingly intricate design she had ever painted. Each star held so much detail, the sheer abundance of them combined with the swirl of colors having to be blended just right, caused this to take countless hours. Not to mention that she had to make it while standing on an uncomfortable ladder. _How the fuck did Michaelangelo have the patience?_ This was just one small cave. She didn't even want to think about doing the ceiling to an entire chapel.

Lexa finally lowered her head, where her eyes landed on the back wall of the cave. Surrounding the 'C+L forever' and Lexa's hand that was traced under the L, was a plethora of painted fireflies. Clarke knew they didn't stand-up to, or come close to the real things that were floating around just mere feet from where they stood; but she wanted to give back a little bit of the gift that Lexa had given her.

Lexa moved along and stopped instantly at the sight before her on the last wall of the cave. This was the one Clarke was most worried about. This was the one she needed to get right.

Smiling radiantly in a field of flowers, laid Costia. Her dark skin contrasted beautifully against the arrangement of bright pink chrysanthemums, yellow peonies, and orange marigolds. Her bountiful curls were littered with wild daisies.

"I asked Lincoln for a picture of her." Clarke spoke as gently as she could, as not to interrupt the brunette's moment.

She knew what Costia looked like from the photos she had seen in the papers and on TV, but she wanted to capture a moment where she was happy and free. When she had asked Lincoln for a picture, he was hesitant at first since Clarke wouldn't tell him specifically what it was for, but she had assured him that she had good intentions. The photo Lincoln lent her was one of Lexa and Costia together. Their arms were around each other and she had never seen two people look more happy.

Clarke had been in love. She knows what it looks like. That was it. She knows what it's like to lose that. Lexa's smile was something people write songs about. She just wanted so desperately to show her the amount of life she brings to others. She is so glad that she is still here. Lexa still has the chance to make people smile like this. To be with someone that makes her smile like this.

Where Clarke had welcomed the silence before, now it was starting to worry her. She hadn't seen Lexa so much as blink, let alone move as she continued to gape into her late lover's eyes. She was unyeilding, and Clarke moved a little closer to her to make sure that she was in fact still breathing.

_This was too much. I shouldn't have done this. This was Lexa's personal private place, and I invaded it. Why couldn't you leave things alone Griffin?_

Clarke flinched a little when Lexa finally moved to reach out and brush her fingertips over Costia's painted cheeks. She could see unshed tears starting to well up in her eyes, causing them to turn a murky green.

Without a word, Lexa dropped her hand to her side and turned her back to Clarke, as she moved to go back and stand in front of the firefly painted wall.

Clarke cautiously approached Lexa to stand at her right side.

"Lexa...I just wanted to...don't worry...no one knows about this place...the guys knew I was up to something but they didn't know what...and I'm sorry I was ignoring you...there was no cell reception most of the time...and I wanted to surprise you...I'm so sorry if I overstepped Lexa...I-"

And then, Lexa dropped down on both of her knees to land on the floor by Clarke's feet. She took Clarke's left hand and placed it on the wall next to the outline of her right, and began tracing her hand with chalk so that it was placed under the C and parallel to Lexa's.

_Lexa, what are you doing?_

Clarke was completely taken aback by the gesture. Now she was the one that was too stunned to speak as Lexa turned to gaze up at her with wide longing eyes. The utter dedication Lexa was looking at her with, made her feel like some godly saint.

"This is the single greatest gift anyone has ever given me Clarke. I want you to know that this space is as much yours, as it is mine. Your mark deserves to be on this wall. What you have done for me is beyond words. You have created beauty that will last. Something I will take with me forever. I do not know how to thank you enough for this."

Words were failing her again, as she reached down with her other hand to grab hold of Lexa's, and pull her back up to so they could meet at eye level. She was happy to lose herself in the pair of emerald eyes that were pouring with devotion.

She momentarily glanced at her watch to see the minute and hour hand lining up perfectly over the 12. _Midnight._

"Happy Birthday Lexa."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Happy Halloween to those who celebrate. I know that this was probably the least scariest Halloween chapter ever written in existence, but 2016 is it's own horror story. So I hope you enjoyed the saps :)


	14. Chapter 14

"Ugh! Lexa! Look what your stupid mutt did to my jacket!" 

Anya was storming about the apartment in a fit of rage. Aden was teething; so over the past few weeks he had chewed up anything he could get his paws on.

Lexa let out a heavy sigh while setting the book that she had previously been reading down on the table in front of her, before sitting up straighter on the couch to give Anya her full attention. She was a little annoyed that Anya was using one of their rare days off from The Bridge to yell and scream when she just wanted to get a little quiet reading in. _Ford was just telling Arthur that he was a writer for the Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy!_

"An, he's just a puppy. He doesn't know any better. It's not like he is doing it to purposely piss you off."

"Really? Then why do I never find your shit covered in slobber?"

"Probably because I don't leave my shit lying around where he can get it. If you put things where they actually belonged, instead of throwing it on the floor, this wouldn't happen."

"Okay **_mom_** _._ You're calling me a slob? Do you know how many times I've stubbed my toes on one of your thick ass space encyclopedias? Don't forget, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even know how to use the toilet properly."

Lexa began rolling her eyes at that. It's true that while she always thought of Anya as an older sister, the first few years she knew her, she was very much her only real parent. Anya was the one that taught her how to ride a bike and swim. Anya was the one who checked her homework for any mistakes. Anya was the one who picked her up every time she fell. None of her foster parents ever took the time to bond with her or teach her anything. She wasn't even sure how Anya knew all the things that she did. She never even questioned it. She just assumed everything came naturally to her because she was such a bad ass at life in general.

Lexa then took a moment to really look at Anya. While Lexa always had Anya to lean on, she never really stopped to think that Anya didn't have that. She never had someone older to share the weight of life's problems with; she never asked for help. She had to do and figure everything out on her own. Anya had to learn to be an Adult in addition to supporting Lexa, and she didn't know how the woman did it.

"You're right. Thanks An."

Anya was in the middle of furiously trying to scrub a stain that smelled faintly of either dog barf or urine, out of one of her shirts before stopping to look up at Lexa with a raised eyebrow.

"Did you just say I'm right?"

Lexa let out a light chuckle before moving up off the couch to stand in front of Anya, placing a hand lightly on her shoulder.

"Yes, I did. And thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything."

Anya's facial expression softened and she gave her a warm smile before playfully shoving Lexa's hand away.

"What's this? Don't tell me all that time with blondie has turned you into a big softie?"

 _Clarke._  Lexa could feel herself smiling involuntarily just at the thought of her. Ever since her birthday, she had been hanging out with Clarke more and more. In fact, if they weren't together they were usually texting each other. She was a little apprehensive at first since Clarke had been cold to her in the weeks leading up to her birthday, but after what Clarke did for her, she knew she cared. Lexa hoped that even though she couldn't paint beautiful murals on walls, or make grand gestures, that Clarke knew that she cared for her too.

They still didn't have a label for what they were, heck they had only kissed once; but Lexa didn't care about titles or labels. She was just happy to be around Clarke whenever she could. _But what if Clarke wants a label? It shouldn't just be about what I want?_

She felt herself mildly starting to panic at the thought of asking Clarke to be her girlfriend. She wasn't afraid of the commitment, but that she would somehow end up hurting Clarke. _What if it all ends terribly? What if I lose her too?_

She mentally was going through all the negatives of having this conversation with Clarke when all the cons slowly began to dissipate as she thought more of the blonde's smile, her hair, her laugh...

"Oh gross! You're thinking about her again aren't you? I'm going to go head over to the gym before I add more vomit onto this shirt!"

"It's your day off. You don't trust Octavia and Lincoln to handle things for the day?"

"Not even remotely. They are probably making out right now instead of helping paying customers."

"Right. It's too bad they don't have more self control, like you and Raven."

"Damn right!

Lexa smiled and shook her head while watching Anya retreat out the door. She noticed Aden looking restless as he continued to try and chase his own tail.

"C'mere boy!"

Aden happily bounded over to her, placing his front paws on her knees and giving her the cutest open-mouthed smile while standing on his hind legs and looking up at her with excited sky blue eyes.

Lexa reached down to ruffle the top of his head with her hand, while pulling out her phone with the other.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

Hey, I was thinking of taking Aden for a walk through the park by campus. Would you like to join me?

As she bent over to connect the leash to Aden's collar, she immediately felt her phone vibrate against her palm.

**Princess Griff:**

I'd love to! I'll meet you there in ten :)

**Commander Hearteyes:**

I've never seen you this eager to workout before ;)

**Princess Griff:**

A-you just said we were taking a casual stroll through the park, not hauling ass. B-of course I'm eager to see Aden, he's the cutest! And C-you're kinda cute too I guess ;)

Lexa felt her cheeks heat up and she was grateful for Anya's absence, who would no doubt be teasing her relentlessly if she were there to witness the brunette in this flustered state.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

I'm flattered. Are you sure you don't want me to just leave the two of you alone? I know he's the only real reason why you have been hanging around me more ;)

**Princess Griff:**

Can't get anything past you can I? ;-)

The irony of the statement was not at all lost on Lexa. Clarke had been surprising her since the first moment they met.  _L_ _iterally._ She was constantly tearing down her walls and Lexa found that she wasn't scared by that, which scared her.

**Commander Hearteyes:**

You're lucky you're cute. See you soon. :)

 

╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

Lexa couldn't stop the wide smile that spread across her face while she watched Clarke play with Aden. She had not felt this content in so long. She never thought she would get to have this normalcy in her life again, and she owed all that to the beautiful girl who was currently in a fierce game of tug-of-war with a feisty puppy.

She watched as Clarke finally managed to pry away the frisbee that was hanging from Aden's mouth and thew it a great distance across park. Clarke made her way over to the bench Lexa was sitting on and slid in next to her, while they both watched Aden rapidly hunt down the flying object.

"Man, that pup has jaws of steel! He doesn't know when to give up!."

"Hmm reminds me of someone else I know."

Clarke turned to face her and lightly shoved her shoulder while letting out a mock gasp.

"Did you really just compare me to a dog?"

"A very cute dog though, you said so yourself."

"Well then I guess I should be flattered." she stated sarcastically while feigning offense.

"I assure you it was meant in the highest regards Queen Griffin." Lexa quipped right back.

"You know, flattery will get you everywhere. Is this how you charm all the girls."

"Only the ones that I want to be my girlfriend."

_Where the hell did that come from? What are you doing?! This was not the plan! Did I even have plan?_

Lexa suddenly became very interested in the leash that she had taken off of Aden to allow him to freely run around the park. As much as she generally loved to get lost in Clarke's eyes, she was too afraid of the answer she would find in them and she would rather take the rejection without the tidal wave of blue searing into her soul.

"Well I would love to accept the offer but it seems my girlfriend can barely stand to look at me." she answered with amusement laced in her tone.

Lexa's head immediately snapped up to look at Clarke with wide eyes and a slightly parted mouth.

"Wait. Did you just sa-"

"Lexa." Clarke lightly chuckled while sliding in closer so the sides of their legs were now touching. "Did you honestly think I would say no?"

_Yes._

She lookedback down at the leash that she was still nervously toying with in her hands.

"Well I had hoped you wouldn't, but I wasn't sure if you wanted labels, or if you thought we were moving too fast, or too slow, or if you were rea-"

"Lexa." 

And this time when Lexa looked up to meet the blonde's eyes, she found them darkenly trained on her lips and inwardly cursed herself for ever foolishly looking away.

"Yes...?" she asked a little lightheadedly while already leaning in to taste the little mole that was perfectly placed above the corner of upturned lips.

Clarke's answer was closing her eyes and moving to connect what felt like forever in the making but an all time rush in the same breath when-

"Clarke!"

Lexa opened her eyes to see that Clarke had shifted her attention to someone over her shoulder, and was reluctantly pulling back from where Lexa was craving for her to be.

_You've got to be kidding me! I must be the only person alive who has a girlfriend that she hasn't actually kissed yet!_

She turned her head to give a death glare to whoever had the audacity to interrupt them, only to be taken aback to see Professor Kane making his way over to where they were currently sitting.

"Clarke! I'm so glad I ran into you! I was just wondering what I should...Oh hello Lexa. I didn't realize you two knew each other."

_Wait. Clarke knows Professor Kane? Kane knows Clarke?_

She hadn't even turned to face Kane yet because her lips were still slightly parted and her pulse was still racing from what almost transpired with her girlfriend. 

_Girlfriend. Yeah that hasn't settled in yet either._

"Hi Marcus." Clarke replied awkwardly.

Kane was now shifting his gaze between the two of them with an innocently confused expression. "I'm sorry, was I interrupting something?"

_Impeccable observation Professor._

Lexa resisted the urge to roll her eyes but couldn't really stay mad at one of the only teachers that had ever treated her decently. 

She shifted to face him and saved Clarke from answering.

"Hello sir, what brings you into the park today?"

Kane gracefully accepted the change of topic and addressed them both with a smile.

"I usually take a leisurely walk around the park in between my classes when I'm on a break; and then I thought I recognized Clarke, and I just wanted to know what I should bring for dinner on Thursday?"

"I think Mom had you on cranberry duty."

"Well that's a relief. I was afraid she would expect me to bake." 

"No I got that covered; we all remember the stuffing-pie-concoction of last year." 

Both Clarke and Kane were laughing together now while Lexa was still silently sitting on the bench; now more confused than ever.

Aden chose this exact moment to come running back with his retrieved frisbee and more dirt on him than when he had first left.

_Finally, a welcomed interruption._

He obediently sat in front of Lexa and proudly dropped the slobbery chewed up toy at her feet; his head not even even coming up to her knees.

She bent over to give him the affection he had earned, and to give herself something to do, until Kane turned his attention back towards them.

"Well who do we have here?"

"This is Aden."

"He's very cute. Hey little fella." He crouched down to give him a light pat on the head and Aden wagged his tail appreciately. "Will he be joining us on Thursday?"

When he didn't receive a response, he stood back up and noticed Clarke with a small pout and Lexa again completely lost with the current topic of discussion.

He then let out a few uncomfortable coughs before dramatically making a show of checking his wristwatch. 

"Oh! it looks like I'm running late for one of my lectures. I should get going but it was very nice chatting with the two of you. I will eherm...see you both around." He then smiled and timidly waved goodbye as he made his departure.

There was a silence that settled among them and when she looked to gage Clarke's mood, she saw her begin to smile when their eyes met.

"So what's Thursday?"

Clarke's smile faltered and she gave her an incredulous look when she realized that she wasn't joking.

"It's Thanksgiving!"

"Oh."

"How could you forget Thanksgiving? It's the only day of the year when we can shamelessly eat whatever we want with zero judgment. And then regret it immediately afterwards." she said teasingly.

"I usually block it out because holidays were always either chaotic or depressing throughout the homes. And then once Anya and I got out of the system, we didn't see a need to celebrate. It seemed kind of weird to partake in a holiday that glorifies the genocide of a mass group of people. Especially when said group of people are still struggling for basic human rights today."

Clarke continued to sit quietly and thoughtfully, and Lexa had the feeling that maybe she spoke out of turn.

"I see your point. I guess I privilegedly, and maybe even ignorantly, never thought about it that way before. To me, it was always just about coming together with the people you care about. To thank the people in your life; family is not just about who is related to you by blood, but by the people who are always there for you. But like most holidays here, it becomes commercialized and the real meaning gets lost. I understand those not wanting to celebrate it."

There was another pause before she lightly prodded,

"I was going to ask you to come to dinner. I wanted to be the one to tell you which is why I was kind of upset when Marcus brought it up."

"Marcus? I didn't know you knew him so well. Have you taken one of his classes before?"

"No. My Mom and him are kind of...seeing each other." she said sheepishly. "I mean, they've been friends for a while now. He and Dean Jaha are colleagues and are good friends; and since I was close to Wells...well we've all kind of known each other for a long time. They've only recently started dating, I think."

"That must make for some awkward family dinners." she tried to lamely joke.

"You have no idea." Clarke chuckled, and then continued flirtatiously. "Which is why I was kind of hoping you would be my brave knight in shining armor again and save me from any possible embarrassing or disasterous situation."

Lexa's smile faltered when she realized that would mean she would have to face Clarke's mother officially as her girlfriend; which would be new and uncharted waters for her since both Costia and herself never had parents. 

 _I guess that is one perk to not having parents, if you could even call it that._ she thought _, I never had to do the whole coming out thing or deal with the intimidating meet-the-family dinner._

Clarke paused and placed a comforting hand on Lexa's knee when she didn't get the reaction she was looking for.

"Hey don't worry, you would have back-up, because I'm pretty sure Anya and Lincoln are coming as well."

_Why didn't they say anything? Were they really planning on going without telling me. Why am I always left out of the loop?_

It felt like the weeks leading up to her birthday all over again; and although grant it, that was a wonderful gift Clarke ended up giving her, she still didn't like the feeling of everyone knowing something she didn't.

Clarke must have sensed exactly what she was thinking,  _How does she do that?_ because she scooted impossibly closer to her.

"It's not like that. We weren't all planning something without telling you. I promised you I wouldn't ignore you like that again. Raven and Octavia asked me if they could bring Anya and Lincoln over and I told them they could. They were planning on asking them today just like I planned on asking you."

"And your mother is okay with a bunch of strangers showing up to her home?"

"She has always said the more the merrier. She's never had problems with me bringing friends over before."

"Yes but what about a..girlfriend..."

"She knows I'm bi."

"Does she know about me?"

Clarke's silence was answer enough.

"Look it's not like I was purposely not telling her. We haven't talked much about anything recently...she's just been really busy...I mean she's always been busy but I don't know...If you dont want to come I understand. I was going to ask you before we became girlfriends so don't think of it as a mandatory obligation."

As much as it did feel like one because she couldn't very well not go if both Anya and Lincoln were attending, if it was important to Clarke she would try for her.

"You really want me to be there?"

Clarke easily linked their hands together.

"Of course I do! Absolutely." she said assuredly. 

Lexa let out a small sigh and smiled down at their conjoined palms.

_How bad could it be?_

"What should I bring?"

 

 ╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮╰☆╮

 

Even though Clarke insisted on picking them up, Lexa knew Clarke would have her hands full since she was in charge of baking pies for dessert; and the woman had taken it upon herself to make three different kinds when Anya had not so casually mentioned that she hates lemon meringne pie and that Lincoln is not big on pumpkin.

So instead, they decided that Lincoln would pick up Octavia and Raven from their shared place, and that Anya and her would arrive together; meeting them there.

The two of them decided to chip in and bring a nice bottle of wine to dinner. _Because that's what normal and polite people do at these sort of things right?_

Lexa reluctantly decided to leave Aden home because the last thing she wanted was for him to barf, poop, or chew on some prized possession, or knock something over and have Clarke's mother hate her. She wanted this to go as smoothly, cleanly,  _and as quickly_ as possible.

As they pulled up to the address Clarke had given them, they spotted Lincoln's truck already in the drive way. They were not late, in fact to Anya's annoyance, Lexa made sure they arrived at least ten minutes earlier than the pre-assigned time; but it still felt like she had already done something wrong before she even set foot inside.

"Nice place." Anya muttered.

"Mhm." Lexa agreed with a nod as she moved to get out of the car.

Making their way up the red bricked path that was leading them to their destination, she took in the sight of the one story white washed home with blue trimmed windows. The vibrantly green grass was perfectly cut surrounded by a wide variety of flowers and shrubs. There was a quaint porch that awaited them as they climbed the two steps that gave them access to the front door. It wasn't overly grandeur or elaborate, but it was definitely going to be the nicest home Anya and her had ever set foot in. 

She nervously wiped her feet on the brown welcome mat that was laid out in front of the door, and heard Anya give an amused chuckle when she still had yet to push the button that rang the doorbell.

"What?"

"What are you waiting for?"

"I'm holding the wine!" Lexa lamely tried to justify.

Anya gave the most amplified eye-roll she had ever seen, and jammed her finger onto the pearl white button.

Lexa felt her nervousness grow tenfold as she waited for the door to open. In a lot of ways, crossing the threshold of this door was a metaphor for so many other things. Sure her girlfriend and friends were awaiting her on the other side, but so were many other unknown variables. 

_Can I fit in, in this new environment? Will Clarke's family accept me? Will Clarke realize this has all been some huge mistake? Will I ruin another good thing?_

Lexa was pulled back to the present much too quickly for her liking, as the door inwardly swung open to reveal a familiar face. She instantly felt all the color drain from her skin and nearly dropped the expensive bottle of wine she had been carrying.

"Lexa? What are you doing here?"

_Oh fuck._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I pulled a classic Clarke Griffin and disappeared for a while there...so I'm sorry about that. Truthfully I just had a lot of self hate/doubt in my writing; and although I've had the ending written for this fic for a while now, I wasn't sure if I was going at the right pace or if it would please ppl. But don't worry, I'm not abandoning this fic, there's still a few more chapters and if it is disappointing I apologize but all I can say is I do plan on writing more clexa fics after this one and hopefully you all (and myself included) will see growth in my future writing. This is an obnoxiously long note lol,,,anyways if you're still here, thanks again for reading :)


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